Location: Washington state
This is long-winded and odd, but…
When I found out my cat needed to be put down, I searched for someone to process her remains in the way I had wanted. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I wanted her bones cleaned so that I could preserve her skeleton.
(Before anyone judges me for that, let me just say that how you honor your pets after passing is unique and up to the owner. Some people bury their pets, some people have them stuffed, some people just release their body to the vet to have them discarded, and others cremate. The process of cremation (which I’ve had done in the past) includes pulverizing the bones to get the “ash” you’re given. I didn’t want her pulverized. I wanted to preserve the only thing that remains after death (the skeleton) and artfully display them in a way that honored her memory) anyway…..
I saw this person recommended several times in a post on a local Facebook group of someone asking about the same thing. This is a niche service and it’s hard to find people that specialize in it, so I was relieved to find someone relatively local who could do it.
After coordinating a date and time to giver her to this person over messenger, (which I’ll admit raised some red flags about reliability as she was busy, then she wasn’t, then had car trouble, etc etc.) I was ultimately able to meet up with her and hand over my pet’s remains. When doing so, I expressly communicated that I wanted to be updated along the way, just for my own peace of mind, and so that I could be informed about how much longer the process would take. She agreed. This was June 14th.
In our initial communications via messenger, she said it would be about a 6 week process, and that payment was due when she was done. So I have not given her any money yet.
I messaged her 2 weeks after, politely asking for an update and again thanking her for providing this service. No response. I messaged her again July 17th (a little over a month after giving my pets remains over), when I saw she was online, again asking for an update and inquiring about whether she’d bring her to us or we’d go to her when she’s done…still no response.
It’s been a few days since then and at this point I’m starting to get pissed off. I generally give people a lot of grace, and can understand if she’s a bit behind and it’ll take longer than expected, but I need that communicated to me. The lack of communication is not only unprofessional, but unethical. These are my loved one’s remains.
I’m deeply distressed by all this, and have been kept up by nightmares of worst case scenarios, basically since the first time I messaged her went left unread on the 29th of June.
This person specializes in “oddities”, so she makes art and trinkets out of animal remains and sells them at festivals and markets etc.; that’s her business and where her skills in the service I was seeking come from. I’m now spiraling wondering if she’s taken my pets remains and is going to use them in her own art and sell them to someone else at a show or something. That’s the worst case scenario I’m losing my mind stressing about, though I have no way of proving that’s actually happened.
All this to say, if time continues to pass and I continue to be ignored and don’t get my pet back. What can I do? I haven’t given any money, and I know “emotional pain and suffering” is a hard thing to prove, but I want there to be some sort of ramifications. If nothing else, just to have my day in court so she’s forced to explain, to my face, wtf happened to my pets remains!
I’m going to give it the full 6 weeks she initially told me before I drop the casual inquiries and become more direct (this person has my pets remains, so I’ve been trying to be cool and avoid having her do something malicious with them)
If after all that there’s no response, ultimately I plan to publicly name this person in the FB groups we’re both in and warn others about her theft of my pets remains and refusal to return them to me, and then pursue any legal action I could possibly take.
I know this is a weird case…but any advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m grieving, I’m distressed, I’m anxious, I’m frustrated. This was my first “baby” my husband and I got together. We had her for 10 years. She was with us through dating, marriage, becoming parents. She was very precious to us; not knowing what’s become of her remains troubles me every single day.
Thank you for making it this far.