I’m a 55m, husband is 57m. Been together for 15 years. I’m unsure of how to navigate this. I’m sort of desperate for advice, hence the Reddit post.
He has a ADHD diagnosis and takes Concerta. There is also a genetic condition that affects his appearance as he ages, neurofibromatosis. As the years have gone by so has the retreat into the digital world. He finds it very difficult to have an adult conversation about relationship issues and will avoid unless pressed. He is constantly checking, or involved with something on the phone. At night will wake up and have to check the phone. Sexually, porn has become more of the preferred outlet.
I’ve attempted setting boundaries for usage, keep the phone out of the bedroom, don’t use when we go out but it goes by the wayside very quickly. I feel like I’m involved with a teenager and not a grown man. I care deeply for him but this behaviour is maddening. I’m currently sleeping in the den as I need a break from it.
Has anyone had a success story managing this? Or helping someone who’s so attached to their phone? Are there ways to help someone with a “phone addiction” if that’s the correct term? (I’ve read the rules or the sub I’m unsure what a TL;DR! is. Hopefully, I’ve done that)
Comments
You’re definitely not alone this kind of situation is really tough. Phone addiction is real, and it can be even harder to manage when ADHD is part of the picture. Setting boundaries is a good first step, but lasting change often takes therapy, either individually or together. It might help to frame it as something you both want to work on, not just his problem. You deserve real connection, not to feel like you’re competing with a screen.
The bigger issue seems to be that he can’t have an adult conversation with you and talk about your issues. That means you have a very serious communication issue that should be dealt with in couples therapy before he’ll respect your boundaries.