I’m not a prude by no means. Not at all, not one bit. I’ve lost relationships because I was TOO sexual myself.
But the shear amount of pornography that has ridiculous physical degrading scenes is rampant in porn now. I know its made for men and men fantasies but it fucking scares me that men’s fantasies now include the shit that i see now. and That’s on free porn sites much less paid secret stuff that most of us can’t see.
I don’t get it. I’m only 29 and the rapid change during the time that I’ve seen pornogrpahy since about 15 or 16 on has not only gotten more graphic but more mean spirited in tone physically.
For example, ( and this is why I made it NSFW, so if this offends or triggers any other women, please stop here). Good luck finding any straight up oral scenes with out them trying to forcefully push the male’s member down the females throat. Even the more sensual scenes eventually show that shit. That’s not normal. Once again I’m not talking about in a moral sense, I’m talking about the fact that physically that is not normal, it involves pain, strain and disruption to breathing not to mention other gross stuff. But yet this is the norm for oral scenes now and that’s just one example.
Why is that a fantasy? Why is it entertaining? It’s not reenactments. This isn’t a horror movie portraying horrific things. porn is two “actors” REALLY doing those things. the reaosn I’m asking is because I’ve stopped having casual sex encounters about 5 years ago mainely because of the “norms” of sexual encounters were becoming a little too much. Am I overreacting? Of course I know there are “sensual” porn” but those are specifically for women. I’m asking why is this type of porn dominate for men.
Comments
No you’re not overreacting and the number of women who’ve posted here, and elsewhere, about their dates/partners choking them, going right for their ass, slapping them, spitting on them without at least asking first is really alarming. Editing to add, maybe asking about these things and then coercing/berating/shaming the woman into participating when she’s obviously hesitant or says no.
Inb4 “SoMe oF uS LiKe! Kink is about consent!” Good for you, no judgements, enjoy yourselves but do go sit this one out and don’t try to normalize it here. Gisèle Pelicot’s husband used ordinary kink forums to organize men to rape her, and people trying to normalize pain kinks need to stop.
oof this is one thing I really kinda struggle with. I find it so absurb that the most vile shit is swept under the carpet and people say ‘don’t kinkshame’ or ‘don’t yuck someone’s yum’. Some things are plain disturbing to me. I don’t watch so my friends who do are like, you don’t get it. And I truly…don’t. Feels like people use this as an excuse to go into more and more depraved territory like you said
Men suck, always have, always will.
I can’t speak for men, but for me I sometimes enjoy porn that’s a bit more… brutish, for lack of a better term? I think for some people there is a thrill in that interplay of power/submission/degradation, and it’s easier/safer to get those particular jollies off in porn/fantasy (or very often for women in particular, erotica) than in real life.
Of course you’re not overreacting, though – I totally get why this stuff would repulse a lot of people, women in particular. That is 1000% valid. But, since you asked the question, that’s my straightforward answer; because I (by which I mean, perhaps my lizard hindbrain) find(s) it thrilling.
Power and control are the central themes of a lot of kink and sexuality. It’s not just men who like it. If it’s not for you, that’s okay. But what people find sexually exciting is not necessarily a reflection of their morals or beliefs about gender, violence, treatment of women, etc. In fact, it’s often a reversal of the roles they play in their every day life that is attractive.
Honestly I think it’s fun. Not to watch other people do it, that doesn’t do much for me. But doing it myself. It’s control. I was in a very abusive relationship and a BDSM relationship got me out of it. I was in charge of everything, I got to decide who did what, how it went. Everything was up to me.
Maybe don’t watch that porn, not all porn is like that.
I suggest bellesa
Yall don’t need to downvote me for giving an alternative to op. I understand their point. I have no comment on that. This is what I offered.
Porn gives dopamine surges. Just like a drug, the more one uses it the more extreme versions of it one will find themselves digging for because what once gave a dopamine hit now is habit, and so one requires something new and exciting.
Culture should be normalizing regular breaks from porn, if not fully disengaging from it to reset dopamine neurotransmitters.
As a man, I just want to say that I hate degrading porn, it’s so unnecessary and it’s a huge turn-off for me. I really can’t comprehend how some people find that enjoyable.
Honestly I’m seeing this not just in porn but also books written for women. There are so many books being widely talked about that have some seriously messed up storylines- like “Haunting Adeline”. I haven’t read it but I’ve seen women talking about it. The show “You” at times romanticizes a stalker. This isn’t just a “men” issue. Women are outwardly talking about these books and how much they enjoy them. Unfortunately it gives writers a wide berth to write weirder shit- like the writer who just got in trouble for writing a NSFW book about a pedophiles obsessions with a little girl. It was a woman who wrote it.
I dont care if people have kinks- as long as it’s consensual, do you. However I do have a problem with glorifying sexual violence and I get pissed off that there are books written by women that are published and applauded.
Sorry- off my soap box.
Incels
I have no further explanation aside from that.
I don’t watch a lot of porn but I do read dark romance and that shite is depraved as all get out. I love reading it but wouldn’t necessarily be into some of it in real life.
It’s not only porn sadly. The increase in agression during sex made me quit dating altogether.
I can give a reason for why from my perspective as a guy, but not sure if you wanted feedback from a guy or not so just wanted to ask first
It should not be in easily available porn, plain and simple. Anything involving kink or sub/dom dynamics should not be bleeding into the mainstream and we should never treat that dynamic as something “everybody does so it’s cool if I grab your hair”. It’s dangerous, abusers use it to justify getting what they was s*xually and basically abusing a naive partner. It should be separated, clearly labeled and if you really want to do it right, SHOW THE AFTERCARE.
Imo, violent p0rnography is dangerous. The running theme is “Man gets what he wants from woman.” and given how readily available free p0rn is, it’s no wonder teenagers are getting the idea that this is an ok thing to do to their partner. Kink should be practiced between two consenting adults who have spoken in length about what they like, what they don’t like and what rules they will abide by. Mainstream p*rn has cherry picked and it’s disgusting.
I will never kink shame anybody, a lot of women are into dark fantasy and they shouldn’t feel guilty about that. But the scenes you’re talking about are dangerous and completely irresponsible. Never EVER let anybody coerce you into kink, never let anybody normalise kink as though its something everybody is into, NEVER accept somebody who announces themselves as a “dom” and therefore you have to do as they say. Its lies and its an excuse to abuse you into doing only what THEY want to do.
I agree, OP. It just normalizes degrading behavior by men toward women. They think that aggression in porn is what they’re supposed to do when they couldn’t be further from the truth.
When I once dated men (no longer, I’m bi), had a bf who wanted to go too deep and gagging is just not sexy, it’s gross.