Planning My Revenge

This is a long one. It’s about my first real circle betrayal.

So me (21) and my friend (21) had a fight in our research group chat. FYI, our circle is also my thesis group. I was the group leader, and honestly, I was doing my part and giving it my best. I didn’t feel like I had to prove myself because, truth be told, some of them didn’t even know what they were doing in the research. I was always spoon-feeding them, and I managed about 70% of the paper. I was the one who actually understood our topic deeply.

I’m a working student, so yeah—there were times I couldn’t attend our meetings. But I always tried to compromise because I didn’t want to be a burden. One time, my friend asked her boyfriend to help with our qualitative thematic analysis. I was really uncomfortable with the idea, but I didn’t have much of a choice since they were the ones asking for it.

Fast forward a bit—there was a problem with our data because I forgot to include three pieces of info on the table. I was exhausted and sleep-deprived, and honestly thought I already typed them in. My friend blew up in the group chat saying, “I’m so tired of lifting you all!” I apologized because it was my fault, but she kept going, trying to embarrass me in front of the group and throwing passive-aggressive personal attacks.

She said stuff like, “I know you’re working, but why do you never have time for our meetings?” Basically implying that I was lazy and not making any effort.

That hit me. Hard.

This girl has been my friend for 3 years. We were even roommates for 2 years. She knows all my trauma—how I was bullied, how I barely have time for myself because of work, chores, and studying. It felt like she didn’t know me at all.

So I snapped. I said, “I’m not like you, who has all day to hang out with friends and family.”

Then she hit back with, “Wow, aren’t you embarrassed that my boyfriend is doing more for the paper than you?”

I clapped back with, “You’re the one who brought your boyfriend into this project because you don’t trust your group or yourself. And now you’re using that against me?”

Right after that, she sent a crying voice message to the group chat.

And then—get this—her mom replies, calling me entitled and saying I had no right to say those things to her daughter.

I respectfully replied, saying I was just defending myself. I also asked why she was bringing her mom into our group convo—we’re all grown-ass adults.

After that, they said a bunch of things, and when I tried to respond again, my groupmates told me to stop. They let her go off on me, but the moment I wanted to speak, I was silenced.

That was the real stab in the back.

From then on, everything got cold. Distant. Even when I messaged them privately about research stuff, I was left on “seen.” They only replied in the group chat—and even then, it was cold and passive.

I cried like an animal for days. I felt so betrayed. If they were mad at me, I wish they just said it to my face. The paper will get done, sure—but the scars they left? Those stay.

After two days of barely functioning, I still did my part as a leader. During one online meeting, no one said a single word. I felt so stupid and left the call. Not a single “sorry” from any of them.

Now? I want revenge. I have all the receipts of the toxic stuff she said about the others. I could destroy their little friendship circle with just a few taps. I’m planning to wait until after our final defense—right before graduation.

But… that’s not even me. I’ve never been the revenge type. I never even got back at my old bullies. I’ve always believed that the best revenge is to smile and move on.

Now? I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Should I go through with the revenge?