In Sex and the City, Miranda says she feels as if she is playing the role of “mean mommy” with Steve. This is EXACTLY how I feel in my own relationship and I feel so resentful of my partner. I am sick of having to push him to help me with things around the house, looking for higher paying jobs for him, and telling him to get off his phone. It is exhausting. Has anyone else played the role of mean mommy in their relationship? Is there any coming back from this?
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This was a big factor in my divorce. So, I don’t have a story of coming back from this, but do have a lot of sympathy for your situation. It’s so frustrating when the person who’s supposed to be your partner in life doesn’t grow up.
Tell him this behavior makes you feel like his mom, which is NOT sexy. Just the idea and phrasing is so ICK. If he knows it’s killing your attraction to him, making sex less likely, it might light a fire under his ass to do better.
Oh, yeah, I’ve been there. There’s only coming back from this when he decides to grow up and take care of himself, and then actually does it.
Yep, I was mean mommy for ten years. We both got more and more resentful, we went to couples therapy, we both were in individual therapy, for the last three years.
Guess what? None of it changed anything other than we communicated more respectful about how he wasn’t pulling his weight. We divorced. He lives in an apartment he’s been in for 1.5 years, it’s not furnished, he doesn’t clean it, he still doesn’t have a drivers license, etc etc etc as nauseum bc there is NOTHING I could do to make him change and as long as he was living in my fully furnished and lovely house and I was doing all the housework and emotional work and admin work, his life was really good— why would he change that????
The only way to change it it to leave him, sorry.
When I saw the title I thought this was a post about bdsm, unfortunately you meant it in the not fun way 😔
This is 99.999% why I filed for divorce.
Captain Awkward introduced me to the concept of the Sheezlebub Principle (named after one of her regular commenters): If things stayed exactly the same as they are right now — with your husband being a manchild and complaining that you’re a big meanie every time you point out that he’s a manchild — how long would you stay? One more year? Five more years? Ten more years?
The preponderance of evidence here suggests that he has no intention of ever getting his shit together and probably never will. So how long are you prepared to be his mean mommy?