I posted a few times during my pregnancy about my overbearing MIL and her attempts to invite herself to the delivery of our first baby. Well, two month postpartum update- things are going well with us!
The baby ended up coming early so she was (thankfully) not in the same city and not aware we were in labor. She came for the planned ceremony 8 days after birth and was really good with the baby and with respecting our boundaries.
I had started reading the book “adult children of emotionally immature parents” and one of the sections deals with narcissism. The book says that sometimes anxiety manifests as narcissistic traits. I think that may have been the case here. Her anxiety was overwhelming and causing her to act intensely.
The baby had actually made things a lot better between us. I video call her a few times a week so she can talk to the baby. It helps having a third party that we both dote on to reduce the tension between us. So, a bit of hope to those in similar MIL situations!
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Other posts from /u/a_better_self:
39 weeks pregnant and MIL is having a breakdown and may fly across country to just linger around due date, 1 month ago
Pregnant and regretting it due to MIL, 5 months ago
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Just keep an eye on things and make sure you don’t accidentally end up using your child to manage your MIL’s emotions. I’ve been on here long enough that I’ve seen it happen a number of times, and it’s never a healthy thing for a kid (or anyone, really) to have that kind of expectation placed on them. It’s a baby, not an emotional support animal.
A few times a week sends like a lot.
I suspect she’s “Being good” because she’s getting what she wants.
I’d love am update the next time you have to tell her “No”. Hopefully it’s another “success”!
Glad to hear things turned around. But let’s see how long this “new leaf” lasts. Don’t get too comfortable, OP. Experience says these “changes” can be temporary, especially if underlying issues aren’t addressed. Stay vigilant.
I’m glad things are better now. How does she do when she’s told no to something that she wants these days? Sometimes bad behavior doesn’t really show up until they aren’t getting what they want. A few times a week is actually a lot, and you don’t have to change that if it’s working for you, but keep it in mind for when you do want to say no to something.
Glad it’s going smoothly, but keep your guard up. “Better” can turn back into “boundary stomping” real quick once the novelty wears off.