I got a full-body deep tissue massage today from Groupon and I feel conflicted.
I got a last minute appointment for late in the day. for context, my masseuse was an older Asian man who didn’t speak much English and i’m a white female. I’ve had many male masseuses in the past with no issues, but it’s important to know that I have been sexually assaulted in the past. this is probably why I’m feeling so sensitive about this whole situation.
but I want to make sure just in case.
initially, things were going fine. he started on my kneck and shoulders and repeatedly asked if things were okay and I said yes. I was feeling relaxed.
however, he kept holding my hands really tight? like moving and twisting my arms around while grasping my hand. at one point he kneeled on top of me and basically straddled me. then he nudged his knee/thigh between my legs. I assumed he did this to get into position for the massage. none of this stuff bothered me at the time, but with what happened later I’m re-thinking it.
as he was moving down my body, he got to my groin area and moved my underwear around. he moved them so far up that I felt like part of my vulva was exposed. can’t be sure, but I’ve never felt that exposed during a massage.
anyways, he massaged my inner thighs and definitely kept bumping/touching my semi-exposed privates. he was really getting deep into my inner thighs.
when he was doing this, I was super super tensed up but didn’t say anything. I felt really uncomfortable but I kept justifying it in my head and telling myself I shouldn’t say anything, even though I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to make a fuss.
Idk how well I articulated this, but I wanna know… is it normal to be touched like that by a masseuse? I hope I’m overeating. any help is much appreciated. what do I do?
Comments
Dude, sorry you had to go through this. As a guy who’s had loads of massages, and even gone thru masseuse training, I just gotta say this ain’t normal. The inner thigh part’s okay if done professionally but messing with your underwear and exposing your privates is a big no-no. If you felt uncomfortable, that’s all that matters. Trust your gut. This dude crossed a line. You could report them to Groupon, maybe even the police if it felt like a violation. Nobody should go thru something like this during what’s supposed to be a chill and healing experience. Stand up for yourself, u have that right and nobody can take it away from ya. Hmu if u need someone to talk to. Stay strong!
I think that’s not normal at all. Never should ya privates be exposed or touched during a massage. Deep tissue or not, that’s not okay. You ain’t overreacting. Always like ALWAYS report sketchy stuff like this. Hope you’re okay.
That’s not normal for a massage if you felt exposed and uncomfortable that’s a red flag and your feelings are valid.
I say this to you OP with the utmost respect here so please don’t take it in the wrong way.
My opinion on this is that you have already answered your own question here OP as to whether this was inappropriate touching by him or not.
I say this because you have said in your own post that you regularly have massages and that you’ve also had many massages from male masseuses. So as a result you already know what a massage entails, you already know what a masseuse should be doing and how a massage should feel etc etc so the fact that you didn’t feel that this massage was like any other previous massage experience that you have regularly experienced and that you don’t feel that this masseuse was being appropriate and that you felt that he was being inappropriate and the fact that you also said that you have never ever felt exposed down in your lower intimate area before that tells you most definitely that he was being inappropriate in what he did and that your feelings are completely valid here.
I can only suggest to you OP that if you feel comfortable in doing so that you should make a formal complaint with the company that you went to for the massage about him telling them everything that you have said here in your post above and then you should also make a separate formal complaint to GroupOn to let them know what happened too so they can take the necessary action in removing that company from their approved massage suppliers list so that none of GroupOns other customers are put at risk too.
One final piece of advice for you OP is that I strongly recommend and suggest that you have a good think to yourself about what boundaries you want to put in place for yourself specifically regarding massages. So for example one of them could be that you don’t want your masseuse to touch your underwear whatsoever and another could be that you don’t want your masseuse to ever climb on top of you so no straddling of you and that they are only allowed to massage you from a standing position around the sides of the massage table
Those are just two boundaries that I have come up with for you in response to this situation and experience you’ve had and I am sure that you will have a few more boundaries to add to the list.
When you have come to the end of your new list of boundaries and you are happy with them. Then going forward in the future when you have booked a massage, before the massage begins you state these boundaries you now have to the masseuse, regardless of whether the masseuse is male or female, so that they are fully aware of your boundaries so something like this doesn’t happen again to you but also if it does happen again to you then you will be very clear that they have overstepped your boundaries and they were inappropriate with you, stating your boundaries beforehand doesn’t leave you in a position like you are here wondering if you are questioning yourself or if you have maybe misinterpreted what they did and also the masseuse will be very clear of your boundaries that there isn’t any misunderstanding or miscommunication etc.
I hope that helps you somewhat