Hello!
This may be a long one.
Me (24f) and my “husband” (25m) have been together for 10 years, we started dating in 8th grade I was 13 when he asked me out (our anniversary and my birthday are a month and a half apart) I use husband in air quotes because we are common law married but not legally. This is important.
We have A LOT of family history, him and my brother were friends when I was around 7 years old. My sister who’s someone I just grew up with and we’re more than just best friends, older brother was also friends with my husband and my brother. His mom was friends with my grandma and papa, my grandmas neighbor ended up with his dog. His cousin even ended up living with my mom without knowing who she was, so she met him before I was able to introduce him. His aunt is my aunts boss. Basically we’re the poster people for string theory and didn’t realize until about 2 years in how intertwined our families are. He officially proposed 2 years ago, and it was one of the best days ever, he made sure all of our families were there, my sister was taking the pictures. It was the best.
Here comes the dilemma, obviously we’ve been together for a REALLY long time annnnd everyone is starting to ask about kids alllll the time. We want kids, we want kids more than anything. He’s amazing and I know he’d make an absolutely amazing father and be the dad he needed growing up (dad left when he was 5 and he lost the closest thing he had to a dad, his uncle around 11 to colon cancer). We’ve gone back and forth on it and have said that if it happens then it happens we’d be ecstatic. About 4 years ago I was unofficially diagnosed with endometriosis, haven’t had the surgery yet, when I found out, I lost it. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and the thought of possibly being unable to have kids was devastating. He told me it would be ok and that we’d figure it out, adoption and IVF were always an option. But it still tore my heart to shreds (still does). On top of that I started real estate school about 7 months ago and I am SO CLOSE to finishing and starting the career I’ve wanted for years. AND our wedding is supposed to be next year in November. While we want kids so badly it feels like wrong timing, not that the timing is ever “right”. But also I’m scared, in the 8 or so years we’ve been sexually active we haven’t had an oopsie at all. What if I am infertile?
I don’t know what to tell our families, most of the time I just laugh it off and say we’ve thought about it sometime soon.
I will say the worst culprit is his nana, I love her to death and she is the sweetest lady, but EVERY single time we see her, she brings it up. Their health is declining, quite a bit, and she’s actually told me she wants to meet her great grandkids before they die. I want that too. So so badly. I’ve even thought about having her in the delivery room so she could be there with us. But I don’t know how to tell her that 1. I’m not 100% sure I can even have kids and IVF can take years. 2. I at the very least would like to officially get married and at least start my career before we seriously try for a baby. And 3? I’m at a higher risk for miscarriage due to my endo.
I seriously don’t know what to say or do anymore and I’m at a loss. It also breaks my heart just a tiny bit every time someone asks and these thoughts pop up. Because I truly am terrified that I may not even be able to get pregnant and even if I am, that I could lose the baby. Even though it’s not something I can control, it would break everyone’s hearts, ours the most.
If you’ve made it this far thank you! Also my sister does listen to the podcast, so if it does make it on. Hey sis! I love you!