Statistically, time spent with kids drops off sharply after they have passed a certain (still young) age. Why do we stick to the narrative that kids are the antidote to loneliness at an old age? Whats your opinion? 🙂
ps: I don’t say they are mutually exclusive, but I think we should put more effort into friendships with a forward facing view to retirement.
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Please do not even THINK of kids as an antidote to loneliness.
I’ve never heard anyone say that but good Lord is that wrongheaded thinking.
I agree, but I’d say it’s important to invest in time with yourself as well as your bonds. Friends and family (including kids) may move or pass away and I have a feeling people will have to be comfortable with forming new bonds as they grow older if they want to minimize the feeling of loneliness. But nothing will fill that gap unless you can manage being alone.
Get a dog. Do stuff with your dog.
I think you might be confusing loneliness with needing somebody to care for you in your final years. There is not a “narrative” that having children prevents loneliness.
For sure. A lot of people focus on just work and family. They often become very lonely when their kids move out and they retire from work. Having a solid group of friends is important to prevent loneliness. Especially if you have friends within a wide age range. It’s no fun being the sole survivor in your friends group.
Why tf would you have kids to combat loneliness? Wtf is wrong with people
Anecdote:
My Mum’s marriage with my Dad broke down when we were young (he cheated), but they cohabited as long as they could for us. She grew incredibly lonely when we flew the nest and went abroad to study. We were her life and she failed to readjust for several years. She often ate dinner alone at home and would send whatsapps of her simple dinners. We were 18 and sadly were too preoccupied with our own social lives to talk to her every day.
She suffered cancer, rebounded, and then had her renaissance: She completed her masters for Music, re-found her joy in music, found new friends, discovered hiking, and enjoyed quality time with our dog who remained her faithful companion. She would send Whatsapps of group photos with her friends on top of mountains and hills. She was having lunches out. She was about to go into retirement and found her groove. Few years later succumbed to a stroke and passed prematurely in her mid-50s. Nobody expected it after her cancer win.
Putting aside her misfortunes and our own regrets, which there were many – we were incredibly grateful for her that she found joy in her own personal life. She was genuinely happy in the years prior to her death. It’s the only good thing we can take away from all her misfortunes.
Takeaways: You need a good relationship with your SO, you need friends, and you need hobbies. Don’t be lonely.
Honestly the purpose of children is to pass on your DNA. No kids means no legacy. In my view that is the point in living but I can see how some have other reasons for living so it truly is on the individual to find their why.
As a parent let me say it loud
Your kids are not your friends!
They are your kids. Especially at the younger and preteen ages.
They get cooler as they age, but they’re still kids.
Have people your own age to talk to, Have a drink with, vent about the little a-holes, brag about the mini-mes accomplishments.
But absolutely do not assume you are a friend of your child till they move out.
They don’t need the emotional bs that comes from being your friend/emotional support.
You don’t have to be a meanie asshole, but you should absolutely be seen as parent.
When you say do something it should be followed. Preferably out of trust and understanding as opposed to fear.
When I say bed time they start getting ready. Not because I’m gunna be mean, but because they understand WHY bedtime is 8ish and the hard lights out is 11. (Normally they’re asleep or about to be by then)
I have never heard having kids would make you less lonely when you are old (when they leave). That makes zero sense internet.
Meh, if you are a good parent you will see yours kids and if you outlive your friend you still have your kids in your old age