My husband (28m) and I (29f) had a baby 2 months ago. This is my second child and his first so I knew from the get-go I would be doing majority of the work with the newborn and didn’t mind it. However, I’m starting to feel like I’m a single mom again. When I’ve asked him to take care of the baby so I could finish other chores, pump, shower, or give attention to my other child I’ve been met with the response of “if I have to” and been asked “are you almost done?” so many times it doesn’t feel worth asking him anymore. The obvious answer to my question is to just tell him, which I have. For a couple days he was doing one feeding during the night so I could pump and get back to bed within an hour after expressing how tedious it was to do both. That was short lived and I’m back to doing night duty by myself. It’s like he can’t tell that I’m struggling or doesn’t care. There’s never an offer to help, give me a break, or to get me anything. Instead, I just do my best to juggle everything one-handed.
Question for the men: how can I let my husband know that I’m feeling unloved?
r/Advice
Comments
You’ve already communicated, but he might not fully realize the weight you’re carrying. Be specific, tell him exactly what support would make you feel loved and appreciated, and why it matters to you. Sometimes concrete requests hit harder than general feelings.
When he asks if he has to, why isnt your response, of course you have to you’re also the parent
You are doing everything on your own and that is not fair at all. He needs to step up and actually be a partner, not just someone watching from the sidelines. Counseling might help because you deserve real support and understanding.
we men are dense, plain, simple and direct, to a fault honestly.
you need to put your foot down and explain the situation. that raising a baby is teamwork, and you need him more than ever to share the load, or else consequences on yourself, and by extension him, the baby, the relationship and the whole shebang will ensue. nobody wants to live with an overwhelmed/stressed out partner.
explain to him that sharing the labour will be the new reality, and dont shy away from calling him out (respectfully) when he slacks or you need help.
if you have negative feelings, communicate them in an objective way. instead of saying YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE BAD AND STRESSED AND- use this method; “when you do this, i feel this way”
he will either understand and make the accomodations, or you will know the true colors of your partner
Maybe r/askmen would be a good place to ask this question. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and feeling alone. It’s such a draining time and you deserve to feel supported and loved.
Parenting isn’t optional. He’s not “helping you,” he’s raising his kid. He needs to step up.
Thank you all for the advice. I’ve been hesitant to be too direct with him because he has opened up to me about how he feels like a failure as a father, but avoiding responsibilities isn’t helping either of us. Hopefully I can approach the conversation in a way that will boost his confidence
So you have three children. You are raising a man child. How or why from the get go you knew you would be doing the majority of the work? You could do better he’s only doing (nothing) what you allow him to get away with. It should be 50/50 if not you don’t need him. He’s just extra weight get rid of some ballast. Shape up or ship out. Seriously what’s in it for you? I am doing the majority of the work. It’s 2025
Let me introduce you to granny spills
https://youtube.com/shorts/PWCdjQL2wWk?feature=shared
Granny Spills biggest fear marrying a loser who wants to go 50/50 and expects you to do all the cooking and cleaning
Here’s the wake up call you didn’t know you needed
https://youtube.com/shorts/_V8Amnn981o?feature=shared
Easy ..” Honey, I’m feeling unloved and need alot more kisses, cuddles and compliments.”
I’m not a man but have been married and raised kids for
twenty years.
You need to sit him down and have a real conversation about this—not just asking him to help with a feeding on the spot but having a focused discussion about the load you carry and how you need him to be an equal partner in raising your children. Agree on some ways he can commit to owning part of the childrearing daily. Some examples: My husband would take 30 minutes when he got home then take the baby for a 1-2 hours daily to give me time alone. He’d keep the baby until I resurfaced. He would do bath time or a feeding before bedtime and we alternated getting up at night. But honestly, he would pitch in wherever. We shared chores and basically everything. Your husband sounds selfish and immature. So you’re probably going to have to spell it out. He is a father. He needs to pull his weight. It is a joint responsibility.
As for your feeling unloved, you tell him exactly that. I’m feeling unloved and here is what I need.