I’m a South Asian American late 30s cis-woman, and the other day I was harassed by a guy at the gas station in a cosmpolitan/diverse city, for “not believing in Jesus” being “a demon” and other much worse heinous things that are not worth mentioning on here. I needed a full tank, was by myself, and the pump was so slow, he wouldn’t leave or stop harassing me until I left. it was scary, and no one else at the gas station would say a thing (they were probably also equally scared or indifferent). He didn’t follow me, and I didn’t drive home. I drove to a few public places and ran errands.
I live in the States, and I wonder how do you hold your head high after that experience? I have experienced racism throughout my life in different forms, but I wonder if it hurts any less as you get older. And am i going about this the wrong way? I didn’t say anything, felt in my gut much better to keep silent and just pretend he wasn’t there because I don’t know what else he was capable of.
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I’m so sorry! That’s terrible. I’m a black woman but it’s been a long time since I’ve had someone be so outwardly racist. I’m not sure if I know what I’d do but I do want to offer you empathy. That person is an asshole.
Never confront or engage crazy people on the street. Obviously what they yell is not a reflection of you in any way and like you said, you don’t know what they’re capable of. You never want to escalate. Ignore and get away.
So sorry that happened
First of all, I am sorry this happened to you. Fuck that guy.
I would have ignored him completely, stopped fueling (I’m guessing where you are you can do that – just stop and it’ll deduct the actual cost from the authorization), gone inside and told staff that this guy is harassing me and can they call the non-emergency police line, and waited there until police arrived.
If they didn’t do anything, I would have phoned myself and said “somebody is harassing me at the gas station and I don’t feel comfortable exiting.”
EDIT (hit enter too fast):
Alternately, I would have just stopped fueling, driven off, parked somewhere close-by, and then phoned police and given a description. Your safety and well-being > needing a full tank right then (unless you were about to go on a super long trip immediately or something, which it doesn’t sound like. If you did, though, refer to the first suggestion I gave lol).
Sounds like he’s crazy
As a Black woman, racism is something I’ve experienced often. You hold your head high knowing that hateful people have nothing better to do. Some folks are obsessed with others who are different. Think about it, people could literally spend their time doing anything and they CHOOSE to think about/harass minorities. Sad life.
In that particular situation, if I felt threatened, I honestly would have probably taken the gas pump out of my vehicle and been fully prepared to use it as a weapon (whether swinging it at or spraying gasoline on the individual) if the situation escalated.
I’m so sorry you dealt with that.
What he did was vile and ugly.
I agree that not engaging was the right thing to do. People are crazy and you don’t know how they will react.
I just pretend I don’t hear anything and keep doing what I am doing. There is no point in engaging with randos anyway.
You get over it and live tbh. People are stupid. You acted fine.
-a black Caribbean woman
Personally, I would walk into the gas station and tell them to make him leave. I’d say “there’s a man outside saying racist and scary things, I need you to make him get away from me and my car.”
That’s a horrific thing to endure, and I am so sorry it happened to you.
Well he sounds crazy. Like I’m picturing one of the houseless individuals that hang out at the gas stations around my city. I wouldn’t think much about it.
Hey, fuck that guy. It sounds scary. I’d GTFO next time. Forget the gas, just buh bye zoom.
Honestly, south asian hate is really on the rise. It;s unfortunate but do not engage with such people ver or dignify their nonsense with a response.
like imagine how bad his life must be to do all of this?!
That doesn’t seem like it was racial aggression.
You didn’t mention anything racial.
It sounds like this was just a homeless person, but you didn’t give any details so it’s hard to know.
This is terrible. As a black woman, I have experienced aggression both micro and major. Sometimes I laugh in my head about it and keep walking.
For overt racism, I convince myself that there is something deeply wrong with that person and try to move on.
The more subtle shit, or the shocking comment from someone I thought was better really sticks with me.
I don’t think people realize the amount of cynicism (justified paranoia?) that BIPOC people have based on thousands of big and tiny interactions over their lifetime.
i took a “bystander intervention” training in 202 when hate crimes against asian ppl was on the rise & you did the right thing. you always want to deescalate when a crazy person is ranting because you don’t know if they will snap and turn violent. the ppl around you SHOULD HAVE intervened but didn’t because they probably “didn’t know what to do” and were scared/stressed or thought you seemed like you were handling yourself ok. but what THEY should have done is ideally distract the guy & deescalate him so he stops flipping out or at least gives you the time to get away. if they felt too scared to do that, they at least should have come up to you and expressed compassion and asked if you needed help so you didn’t have to go through this alone
so you did nothing wrong, everyone else failed you, and you should hold you head high knowing that if you saw something similar happening, you’d know how to help
I had a very late night at work on Thursday and stopped to get gas after midnight. This weird guy was near the entrance while I was pumping my gas and then after a minute he started walking over to me while his hands were covered in a blanket, so I had no idea if he was holding anything.
I stopped pumping, made a clear “NO” sign to him and quickly got back in my car and left, going in the opposite direction before later taking a different route home. You have to be careful late a night around strange men.
I realize it’s a mental disorder society isn’t ready to acknowledge, and to treat them as if they just broke out of the mental institution, wardrobe and all.
You handled it perfectly. If you sense danger, you should leave immediately. Since he was just spouting crap, it was fine to finish what you’re doing and leave.
It hurts less as you get older because you realize some people’s opinions don’t matter at all.
I had to move somewhere I wouldn’t encounter this. Honestly the standbyers saying nothing hurt more than the actual aggressor. Now I live somewhere my car gets pushed out by complete strangers if it’s stuck in the snow.
Big cities are kinda mean. I’m a diverse small city girl now.
As an aside, if someone starts harassing you, stop doing whatever you’re doing and leave. Get your full tank elsewhere.
Also, gas stations are often sketchy. I try to fill up at Costco only, mostly because of price, but it’s a lot nicer than some gas stations.
You did the right thing by thinking about your own safety, because people like that can be dangerous in their own so-called radical disorder.
Racism should logically be classified as a mental disorder, because it is not mentally healthy and is harmful, and there are therapists who treat defectors from radical racist associations!
Yeah, you did the right thing by not fueling his fire, ignoring it makes them crazy but engaging them makes it worse. Still remember the guy preaching to me about his pro life stance while waiting. I told him to stop harassing me and that his idea was stupid and only wanted to control women that are in crisis or are in the middle of a medical complication without actually caring for the children that may be born, so he could get lost. He only got worse. Yeah, sometimes it’s better to be quiet. I look back now and think he may have wanted me to hit him or to continue to engage him. I was waiting for the university transfer bus after that I no longer wanted to take the bus and transferred to a different university.
I carry pepper gel in a holster or attached to my bag and it usually makes crazies think twice about approaching me but if they do approach I just give them a closer look lol. I’m mixed race so most racists don’t even know what I am but they still try. Some creepy old white man started yelling “Chinese” at me the other day like it was supposed to an insult? I’m not even Chinese? I just held up my spray and said “What was that?” He tucked tail and skeddadled. I also get told to go back to my country pretty frequently for looking ambiguously ethnic but I just shrug and tell them I’m already here, what are they ICE?