I (16f) have been going through a rough patch for the past 5-6 months and I think I will benefit from seeing a psychologist. Unfortunately the logistics aren’t really in my favour; if I do go through with this there are different ways I could go about it all with their own considerations, which brings me to this post.
Context (this is a long one) I am in my second last year of high school in Australia. It’s a combination of a lot of things but for the past few months I’ve been pulling through a breakup, school stress and family things. The relationship I was in was quite short (~5 months) and we were both 100% transparent with each other that it was a short thing due to the paths of our lives. We met at school,15 (me) and 17. Even though we really liked each other, he was hesitant about being in a relationship with me because he didn’t want to hurt me when we inevitably broke off; he let me know I had every right to put a stop to things if I felt like it’d hurt me in the long run. That being said loving him was the best period of my life. I felt loved and seen and cared for and he made it clear that he loved me, even for the short time we were together. He ended things a bit earlier than anticipated and there weren’t arguments or hard feelings; we don’t see each other or talk anymore.
I don’t want it to be this way but everyday has just been really sad for these few months, especially as school just got more stressful. I have intrinsically tried to get over him after the initial period of overwhelming breakup sadness and I have an amazing best friend who listened to me and basically forced my to go outside after the breakup. I’m hitting the gym, doing school stuff and going out with friends etc. It’s at the point that when I’m occupied with something, I’m ok, but I can’t help from feeling insanely overwhelming sadness as soon as I’m alone. I cry every few nights and if I let myself, I could definitely cry every night, I can’t go on the bus past his area or think of memories without breaking down, I keep having dreams and waking up feeling like shit.
It’s been 5 months since the breakup and I’m aware that given more time, its likely my sadness will subside but a) it’s a pain to just be sad all the time b) I’m sick of crying at night and c) it’s just really really hard for my to picture feeling alright again at all. I’m also tired most of the time and sometimes I feel like I can’t think like I used to.
To keep it brief my family and I aren’t tight knit, my parents fell out of love many years ago but they stayed because of brother and I, extended family and cultural stigma (Asian). I love my mum although we disagree about some things, however I would not willingly open up to her about this especially because she didn’t know about the relationship. My mum is a math teacher and has a phd, so there is an expectation for me to perform really well in school which has contributed to my stress. My parents take turns taking care of us while the other goes overseas.
My best friend and I are super close and she helped me through the early days of the breakup, I haven’t really talked to her about the aftermath other than the fact that I’m not looking to date anytime soon. I know that she’d be there for me if I had to vent but I do want our friendship to be more than me missing my ex because that happens more than I’m willing to admit/she’s aware of.
Sorry for the rant, about the questions.
- Will they take me seriously?
I want them to take me seriously; I know its young romance and I’m only 16 and feeling sad is normal after breakups but it’s been 5 months like this I really just want to feel better.
My next point is not really a question, but our school counselling service allows self referral for 15+, however it does state that parental consent will be sought. Without writing too much I do feel like its best for me that my mum does not know about this. I love my mum but I think I feel better without her knowing what is going on in my personal life. I have read that if I go to a GP/external psychologist my details will be kept private unless I am at risk of hurting myself or others.
- Will they contact my parents about passive suicidal ideation?
I am at no risk of hurting myself, no plan/method/intention but it has been a thought that crosses my mind more than occasionally.
- Is it feasible/worth it to pay for one GP visit/session with my own money? I would not get medicare rebate because I am still on my mum’s card. I have a casual job so paying for it myself even if it is one visit isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility.
I’m probably missing somethings, any general advice is of course welcome as well. Thank you for reading it all, it’s quite late where I am so I might regret posting this tomorrow morning.
Comments
Honestly, waiting for pain to fade on its own is like standing in the rain hoping not to get wet you deserve better than just surviving. Get yourself to a psychologist now, because healing with help isn’t weakness, it’s rebellion against drowning in silence.
A psychologist can prove to you that you need him. You should discuss with your parents about the issues and they can guide u well.
I recommend being open with your mum and asking her permission to get counseling. You could say something like:
‘I go to the gym to keep my body strong and healthy, and I want to do the same for my mind. I’m pursuing academic success, and I want to build the resilience and mental strength to handle the pressures that come with it.’
I don’t recommend keeping it a secret. Secrets can build stress and anxiety, and they often come out eventually.
Yes, a provider will take you seriously. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long a relationship lasted—your grief, your longing to belong, and your desire to be cherished are real and valid.
And no, they won’t break confidentiality just because you’ve had suicidal thoughts. Mental health professionals are trained to help people navigate those feelings. They’re only required to act if you’re in immediate danger—if you have a specific plan and the intent to follow through.
You deserve a safe space to process what you’re going through. Hang in there, and keep reaching out for help. You’re not alone.
Do what you can to see a psychologist. It could prove to be hugely beneficial!
Okay. So first off, it sounds like school/family/relationship stress, combined with teenage hormones, has caused (likely short term) depression. This is super common at this time. You don’t have to mention the relationship to your mum, but I’m sure that if she’s a math teacher, she understands (to some extent) depressed teens.
I’d recommend just telling her how you’re feeling; including the effect it’s having on your sleep, schoolwork, your general fogginess, etc.
If you can get an appt with a GP to make a mental health care plan, then any visits to a psychologist, etc can be subsidised. (Ie you’ll get a rebate). Your GP will also probably have some leads on good psychs (or counsellors) in your area, and can write you a referral.
If you live in Brisbane/Logan, I can suggest a great one. (Mine, lol.)
If seeing someone isn’t possible, it might be worth looking into group therapies, or something like that.
High school/teenage hood is an incredibly stressful, taxing time, and it’s a really good idea to get whatever support you can. It’s literally my job to help people connect with organisations/people/etc that might help, so if you want to comment your state, I might be able to find you some more specific suggestions.
Do you have a school counsellor, year level coordinator or guidance officer? They might also have some tips or support, even just as a stopgap, or to add to existing/future supports.
My friend once said that “A bridge can’t have too many supports, and neither can we.”
Either way, know that reddit is cheering you on!
This moment is really difficult, but you are strong enough to get through to the other side of it.