Sorry for being a bummer, but could do with some optimism/strength!
I’m on my third career and finally one I love and I thrive in. So far, it’s going well! But I can see that just like the other two, things are just not going to be the same for me as if I was a dude (specifically a white dude from a comfortable background).
I’m feeling it more today cos I was in a meeting where senior male colleagues gave career advice and it’s just obvious that to achieve these things they have wives who look after the kids while they chase career opportunities all over the world. It’s not like I want to live like them necessarily, but it’s just obvious that success is for dudes, and a specific kind of dude at that. Also everyone in management at my job is a dude. They don’t seem to have noticed that this is in any way a problem. My field is full of women, probably majority women, but men just float to the top.
In my head, I’m not shocked, because the world is very much like this etc. But in my heart I am, because as a little girl I was promised something else and I can’t believe that in this day and age I would still have a better life as a dude.
Comments
>My field is full of women, probably majority women, but men just float to the top.
Do you live in a conservative area/have a conservative job field? You’d be surprised at how many smart, competent women believe in enforcing the glass ceiling and sticking to mens work.
As someone who has worked in male dominated fields. There is no way out of it. Look for allies but sadly it is extremely difficult to break from it. I thought I could bring a change and change the patriarchy but you cant.
Then find a partner that is happy with a stay at home role/primary childcare provider or don’t have kids and pursue your dreams
That’s how they achieve it from a family standpoint. You often have to have a certain level of selfishness to reach such goals
It’s not shocking but it is certainly demoralising. Like you I was very optimistic as a girl, even somewhat in denial that professional (or at least educational, back at that age) sexism was really a big problem. Rather, I was sure it had to be a relic of the past. It was certainly something to subsequently go through the world as a working adult and realise that the higher you go, the more of a boys club it all becomes. So many of the strong, intelligent, ambitious women burn out and disappear. You don’t realise until you get to that point how much more women have to sacrifice, how many more invisible barriers we have to navigate in order to be sitting at the same table.
The best advice I can give if you want to stay optimistic is to look to the women who look like you and perhaps came from the same water, who’ve pioneered their way through. I don’t mean that they have to be role models (many are emphatically not), but do try to get to know them and other women in leadership positions as a reminder that some do make it despite all the hurdles.
Make peace with the fact that it’s going to be harder for you as a woman (of colour?) as well. By that, I don’t mean give up or simply accept your fate or be silent – I just mean manage your expectations and be ready to operate from the back foot in a lot of cases. No, of course it’s not fair, and of course it sucks. But, it also is what it is and all you can do is rise to meet the challenges ahead.
Godspeed, my dear 💗