Rant / update
Hey everyone! Previously posted my JNOMIL story
Long story short, I’ve been NC with my mil and fil for 2 months now bc mil started a fight with me when I was 8 weeks postpartum in which she accused me of taking her son away lol and keeping her grandson away ( they visited twice a week but my husband never wanted to take the baby to their house) , insulted me, my mom, siblings. She also threatened me and used threatening language.
Tried to make up lies about me to turn my husband against me (which didn’t work) in turn i laid into her and checked her. Basically told her she doesn’t respect me or my privacy, that she sees me as an incubator, she’s toxic, told her to never speak to my mom ever again bc she’s fake, and also told her she’s banned from my home and to stay away from me and my baby. She also started a fight with my husband but laughed her off and backed me. She also had FIL text me saying I’m banned from their house unless I come to my senses and apologize.
It’s been 2 months and the other day she sent my husband and long text saying we should forget everything, that I showed my true colors to her (bc I argued back) that he needs to visit , and that she wants to talk to me alone to solve the issue. He ignored her text and didn’t respond. Next morning she sends him some video about respecting his parents. He responded to her saying unless she was going to apologize to me there’s nothing to discuss.
She then sent him screenshots of my texts to her saying how rude and disrespectful I was to her. (But nothing she said to me lol) he told her I read all the messages even when you started the fight attacking my wife and your manipulation tactics don’t work on us.
She then sent a bullet point list of everything I need to explain to her and apologize for. She denied everything I told her she was. She included some new lies in the list and basically said I need to explain to her everything I said, kiss her ass and apologize and only then she’ll be fine and the problem is solved LOL
In the same text she said I -the mother of the baby her son’s wife can go live with my mom (presumably alone) and all she cares about is seeing her son and grandson.
Is this woman delusional or what? So she denies treating me like an incubator but then also says I can go back to my mom’s house and she can have a relationship with my baby without me present. As if my baby doesn’t have a mother that he relies on for survival.
I find it funny she thinks she will EVER be around my kid without me being present to supervise and that’s if she ever apologizes and even then I’ll take that apology with a grain of salt.
She talks about me as if my husband and are not married or one unit. He didn’t text her back and continued to ignore. Jokes on her because at this point, she’s never getting any acknowledgement from me and I don’t care to have a relationship with her. I refuse to play her games. Like i haven’t spoken to her in 2 months since my last text telling her to get lost and she thinks I’m going to grovel and apologize? LMFAO
My only concern is her showing up at my house trying to start something – so I’ll be forced to possibly call the police if she doesn’t leave.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Any advice is welcome. Also, why would she demand I meet her alone? I feel like she’s the type to lie and say i attacked her.
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Sometimes there’s no “solving the issue” , sometimes an apology can never be forgiven. Sometimes people just don’t mix. That’s me and my in-laws. Keep at a distance.
My MIL shares yours’ delusion. My LO and I have been NC with my MIL for over a year and my MIL is also upset I’m not making an effort to make amends with her. She isn’t interested in a relationship with my husband, she just expects a relationship with our child. DH is trying to have a relationship with her and she rejects him with cruelty because he isn’t hanging over our child without my consent. When he has seen her, she tries very hard to manipulate him with emotional blackmail and emotional abuse.
I dont get it. I ended the relationship with her too, so not sure what incentive there is to reconcile… She also is awful to HER son, so why would we be eager to give her our innocent child to abuse?
I am having our second baby in November and she wont even get to meet this one.
If you can, get a locking steel-screen door and keep it locked. You can safely open the door without fear of someone bursting in. If you can’t get that, get a good, strong chain for the door, so you can open it partially to see who’s there. Invest in a doorbell camera or something where you can see who’s there. You don’t have to open the door just because someone is there. If MIL or FIL or any of their relatives ever had keys or codes to your doors, change them. You need to feel safe in your sanctuary.
She wants you alone so there are no witnesses to what she says or does. She can/will then claim that you were the one who said all the awful things about her, you were the aggressive one, etc.
She sounds unhinged but you also have to remember she isn’t thinking logically. It’s all manipulation.
She’s just grabbing straws to see what tactic works so she can plan her next move. Asking to meet you alone, banning you from her house demanding her son respect his parent. She’s escalating because she’s losing the control she thought she had and is throwing anything she thinks of to try to gain it back.
The thing is she doesn’t know you, she has no idea how to get to you and she’s trying everything in her playbook to get to you and it’s not working. She’s so erratic I don’t think she even knows what she would do next if you accepted her offer to meet and that is the scariest part.
If your biggest concern is her showing up and you have to call the cops. That’s fine. That’s what happens when someone trespasses and harasses but mentally you need to get to a place where that’s not on you that’s a result of her actions.
Keep all the evidence you can, and start your FU Binder now. Best to have it ready if she escalates – if she involves CPS or you have to call the police to get her off your porch. Because, yeah, delusional.
you seem to see this for how manipulative this is. And your DH has your support as well.. that is a win.
I would brush up on what the fine details of ‘extinction bursts’ are and pay attention to the signs. Not to focus on every last detail but having a talk with DH about a safety plan and a few ‘what if’s’ (.. ambushed while grocery shopping.. love bombing gifts in the mail.. showing up on the door step wanting to ‘talk’… her trying to control a narrative that is far from true & you find out from flying monkeys.. )
By having an understanding and a go to point for *if* the behaviour amplifies, you will feel in control.
And considering you are a new young family, I would consider what your living will and wishes are for you and your partner and have a legal mechanism drawn up to reflect your personal wishes should tragedy occur; a clear outline for the care of your new one that reflects that unwanted family members are not involved in any way.
NC forever!!!
Of course she wants to talk to you alone. She doesn’t want her son to hear the horrible things she’ll say to you and then she’ll deny deny deny it all
Get cameras to record everything if she does just show up. Also, change your locks if she has keys to your home.
My MIL always pulled the wanting to meet alone with me. The intent is to look like she so badly wants to solve the problem and that problem is solely you. You need to be talked to because you were “bad.” Also, if she is the type she will want to bait you into a reaction that she can run with and tell everyone she is the victim. I never agreed to go speak with her, nothing good would come of that. I would stand strong, this women is attacking your family/marriage. You both should go NC and never look back.
My in-laws came to “talk” once when my husband finally went off on her shit behavior to “discuss” what happened.
What actually happened is that she tried coming up my driveway like she was on a war path when I was getting in my car with my mom to give them a little privacy before joining. My husband put himself in her way (poor guy is used to being a shield), and I left (which I regret, but it’s what he wanted at the time.
This crazy woman said I should’ve locked myself in my room instead of leaving… in my own damn house…that I help pay for… that they have fuck all to do with. Like she thinks she can send me to my room?! I wish I could say it was the last time they set foot in here, but there was one more time before my husband truly understood how bad the situation was.
The moral is, there’s no changing the delusional. There’s no negotiating. It’s their religion and way of life. You’ll be better served continuing NC, especially since she magnanimously said that now is the time for her to forgive you.
The last time this harpy got near me was seven years ago, and my only regret is not doing it sooner.
ETA:
Cops will absolutely be called if she darkens my doorstep. Best to get comfortable with that idea.
She wants to meet you alone so she can steamroll you and bully you out of your perspective. Don’t go. Hubby doing a grand job here, props to him for that.
You might get a half-assed apology in a little while when she realises that her manipulations are not working but that’s just a further stretch to attempt to get what she wants.
I’d say you’re doing well as you are and even if you should choose to hear any apologies from her make her wait 6 months before considering letting her see the baby.
She wants to meet with you alone so there are no witnesses. Don’t do it. Instead, enjoy the peaceful, unbothered life of NC.
Stupid and mean is a really bad combination. Enjoy your baby and your peace. And good for your husband for seeing through all of her toxicity.