Could someone please tell me (F45) what is going on (M59)?
TL;DR
Feel free to ask clarifying questions.
We’re (F45) currently 2.5 weeks into a break after my BF (m59) suggested maybe we could use a break and then stopped communicating. No terms; not anything. He has answered texts so I could pick up my dog, and talked to me, hugged me and kissed me on two occasions when I had to go over to his house, but other than that — nothing. I went a week without texting on calling. He is continuing to not return my calls and only return texts when absolutely necessary.
We have been dating for >18 months. Things were amazing at first, I explained my expectations, and everything was going well. About a year ago I started noticing that when he’s uncomfortable or not wanting to face that he may have broken down trust in the relationship, he goes silent. At first he’d go dark for a day, then 2-3 days, then a week. Now this.
As much as I think of him, I am fighting all the negatives. The biggest is that him being busy means that he is not thinking of me at all. Since he is a retired veteran, I’m also wondering if he’s planning on going six weeks like this.
I feel like I’m being punished for communicating my concerns about our relationship and how I have trouble processing it. Since I kind of know him through my parents and I have always had decent relationships outside of having been divorced, and I have never been dumped, I was sincerely thinking that we had a great shot at a wonderful life together. Unfortunately he has a lot going on in his life, and while I’m a single mom working two jobs who makes space for him, he doesn’t have time for me. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on and at what point I gather my dignity.
TL;DR Summary:
I expressed concerns, and we haven’t spoken outside of logistical communication for 2.5 weeks. This is the longest period of time he has done this though it’s been a pattern building up for about a year. He is a veteran, sometimes used to little communication.
Should I box up all his stuff and return it or wait six weeks?
Comments
He’s pulling away and avoiding hard conversations, that’s a clear pattern. You’ve waited long enough. Box up his stuff, protect your peace, and move forward with dignity
it seems he is either unable to have uncomfortable conversations and ran from you OR he is punishing you for the conversation. Neither of these are really conducive to a healthy and loving adult relationship. Both he would need to put in a lot of work on changing himself as a person and lets be honest 59 year old guys dont just decide to change very often.