Been through a lot these past years as a lot of us have. I’ve iced out 99% of people who used to be my friends for what i deem are very valid reasons, and i understand my part in how those things went down.
After months of darkness, I’m finally feeling able to begin restarting things and relearning myself. It feels very difficult as a normally outgoing person. Thankfully I’ve managed to maintain my job, despite the difficulties, but now here I am…
I’m working on painting and then living my life essentially alone going forward. My trust in people was completely destroyed, and while i am still kind/patient, i have become very assertive in claiming my space (it doesn’t seem to be going well for those i claim my space with.)
Besides my mother on the phone, i have no real connection to anyone, which is half of the point. I do have two cats which i love very much, just felt like adding that.
How was your journey from square-zero?
I say zero because I feel fundamentally different in my core. The months and months of terrible stress, tears, ideation, etc. all following a mental breakdown from prior years of stress and disappointment.
I feel i no longer care about all that much, and i think I’m okay with that.
Interests, passions, worldviews, presentation, the way i interact and love… literally everything within me did a hard stop, and I’m about to enter unknown territory rebuilding myself at 37.
What do I avoid?
What do I pursue?
I have ideas of my own but i want your takeaways from your own personal experiences with this process so i can make my journey as error free as possible…
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Honestly, it sounds like a bad idea.
We outsource a lot of our sanity to our peers, which is why those who are isolated are way more likely to become conspiratorial. On top of that, most of us get a lot of joy of spending time with those we like and love.
I don’t know what you’re hoping to achieve by being 100% focused on just you and your cats; but if you look at the 2000+ years of literature written by those way, way smarter than you or I on living “the good life”, I would be shocked if any of them recommended your chosen path.
Perhaps your focus 100% on yourself will work wonders.
But it probably won’t.
It depends. Are you wanting to live out in the middle of nowhere, totally disconnected from society? Are you wanting to live amongst society?
Have you considered traveling for 2 weeks or more in a different country? Just backpack. Bounce to another country or city every 3-5 days. Take a train. Take a long distance bus. Avoid airplane if possible. Live in a hostel. Have just a duffle bag to live out of. It’s a good way to reset. When you’re back home, you’ll adapt to a different mindset with these new experiences.