19 (f) idk if this is even a real problem but I’m gna say it anyway bcs I literally have no one to talk to, I’ve quite literally haven’t left the house In a year, I stay in bed all day everyday, I have no friends and miss out on a lot of opportunities bcs I have no choice but to do that, it’s painful to see people living their lives and not having a single worry whilst I’m stuck in my room wanting to kill myself. one of the main reasons I don’t go outside is bcs since I was 16 I used to have periods where I’d stay inside and hide away from everyone and some of those periods turned into years/months and that keeps happening on and off so now I’ve developed being scared of people,
i can’t even go out in my garden without being embarrassed, if I do, I have to dress nice and be perfect, I don’t like people seeing me, when I go out to places I can’t stand being around people, my heart races, I panic and overly sweat to the point my face burns up, this is the same around family, I can’t even eat food infront of my family, it’s the same in restaurants, if someone’s infront of me/around me I’ll refuse to eat, I’ll refuse to even drink around people I don’t know either, idk something with eating around people makes me feel so fat and ugly, like eating is something disgusting and ill get judged for it.
As for the face burning up this again happens around family or around anyone who gives me eye contact or talks to me suddenly, I go red and giggle but it’s an awkward giggle because i genuinely and promise you I can’t help it and people think I like them when I don’t which is disgusting and I feel like a disgusting person for it, I don’t know why this happens and it’s killing me, I can’t get a job for this and I feel like I’m hyperventilating when I go for job interviews, I’ve tried many and failed bcs no one understands how I feel, It eats me alive when I’m alone with my thoughts.
Everyday I wake up early and watch tv all day, just taking in the fact I’m gonna be alone, my parents and sister thinks I’m just a slob when I’ve told them multiple times I’m struggling like fuck just to make it past a day, they always think I’m joking, one time I had enough and yelled out I wanted to kill myself, I locked myself in the bathroom and held the scissors to my arm but I didn’t do it, I went upstairs and it felt like I couldn’t breathe, I just sat there gasping and it hurt sm and no one came to check on me it just proves how selfish a family can be sometimes, I have no one to talk to, idk how I’ve lost friends over nothing, I just want someone,
whenever I meet people online all they care about is face reveals but I can never show my face because I think I’m the ugliest person in the world, I can’t even look in the mirror without wanting to slap the shit out of my face, everything about me screams ugly, I feel unloveable, even walking out in public it feels like torture, like I want to rip my face off, i can’t even take pics, I have no pics of me at all, when I smile I’m a complete joke people make fun of me for my teeth, but it’s my mums fault for not taking me to the dentist when I cried over my teeth when I was younger, here the waiting list is terrible so I have to wait years and there’s no point in having braces when I’m in my mid 20s, they cost a fortune too
, I have an overly deep voice for a girl and it’s ugly, I hate being me, sometimes I wish I could’ve been someone else, I can’t even remember the last time I felt pretty, I have to get reassurance from the mirror just to step outside, and it doesn’t even feel worth it to work on myself when I’m just doing it for nothing, I don’t have any motivation to do anything because what’s the point when I can’t even go out, everyday repeats and it’s killing me, I just keep thinking how everyday is like this and I have nothing to look forward too when every damn person is going to concerts and living their lives,
I get agitated easily now and my thoughts are violent to the point I feel guilty and have dreams of it, I can’t help but feel annoyed over this, annoyed for even waking up, im too much around my parents/siblings and anything they do makes me angry and want to punch the shit out of them and I don’t even know why bcs it’s my fault for being around too much but that’s all I can do, I do have suicidal thoughts all the time but I can never bring myself to cut myself bcs I get nauseous, I still think about wanting to overdose, or even just taking sleeping pills everyday just to cut the days out,
I wish my mum would’ve left me to die painfully when I was 9 or I wish the surgery had failed bcs I deserve it. I guess my cats are the only reason I get out of bed sometimes, my eyes are dead and I’m so pale I can blend in with the wall, my memory has became so bad too I can never remember things anymore I just want to disappear from this life I don’t have the will and im struggling to understand the meaning of life, I constantly question my existence and think everything is torture I don’t know why I’m waiting for something good to happen when it won’t
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no lie i clicked on this and had to take a step back from my screen cos i just got visually assaulted by words. i will be back…
I would have read it, but it’s a wall of text and would give me a headache.
Hit us with some paragraphs, and you’ll likely get something back.
I’d be open to chat or just listen with a few thoughts…lmk no one deserves what your going through
Agoraphobia, depression, anxiety…
I get it. The panic, fear, and feeling stuck are real. You’re not disgusting—just struggling.
I’m here. You’re not alone.
This sounds like depression and anxiety. Have you considered trying therapy? As cliche as it sounds it does help. While not as intense as you I used to get bouts of just staying the house for weeks on end. It only makes you feel worse. Surprisingly people are right about needing to go out and get sun. It really does make u feel better.
Anyone who bothers to read all of this will tell you the same thing. You need therapy. No one else can get you out of this but yourself, and the first step is to recognize you need help. Since you’re so afraid of going outside, you could start with online therapy. There are some apps/websites where you can get therapy through facetime/video call from home. And sometimes the first one is free I believe. Anyway, you don’t deserve to deal with so much stuff and it isn’t doable to keep like this forever. All those insecurities and fears are within you, but you need help to realize that and overcome them. Take care and please give it a try
Well something was happening to a girl in our country back home, and her mother use to take her to psychologist and mental doctors as well as to those religious people, all I would say you need to talk to someone if you want to talk to someone as its hard for you to talk to someone face to face then feel free to message as I have been through anxieties and panic attacks.