So, for background, I just moved to Atlanta. I’m 24, but I look way younger. The harassment I get from men is non-stop,and atp, I’m in denial when shit happens because I emotionally cannot handle the idea of constantly being on guard bc the world is dark; I ALWAYS give folks the benefit of the doubt. Yes, I do need to work on boundaries and this is a subject in therapy. Anyway, I worked my ass off in undergrad because I wanted to go to med school. I’m realizing now that med is just not for me and that the only reason I was set on it was because my parents are surgeons. I graduated, realized I am certainly way too right-brained for any of the high paying shit the people around me see as work…so I am just shooting the shit and trying every thing in order to find direction. I started working as a bartender in Buckhead, not knowing A THING about this industry…I had no clue about the creeps. Anyway, there’s this regular who is an artist (M62). We were talking one night and it turns out that we have a lot in common. Out conversations were definitely of the mentor-mentee sort. I won’t delve into the details of our conversations, but I’m realizing he said a lot in order to gain my trust; example mentioning my boyfriend, calling more overt creeps in the bar creeps and much more. Anyway, after a few weeks of him coming in, he asks to go to lunch. I said yes. Apparently, he’s like a dad to many of the bartenders, so I thought nothing of it. Buckhead is relatively small, and the spot that we met at was literally about 500 feet from each of us. Nothing weird happened that day. He’s totally normal every time he comes in after that we don’t talk between his visits to the bar. Nothing weird at all. a few weeks later I find out that he invited everyone who worked at the bar out to dinner… except for me. I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t really work there anymore at that point; I just kind of popped in to cover shifts here and there. Later that week, he asks me and just me out to dinner. Keep in mind he’s known these people at the bar much longer than he has known me. I said yes, assuming that he’s taken other bartenders out one-on-one (he doesn’t). So we go to dinner. This is where it starts getting weird: I don’t drink, I mean here and there I’ll have a glass of wine but usually it’s winding down by myself or at a special occasion like my birthday. Anyway, he orders a bottle of wine. I take a few sips of my glass and have no more. He poured more wine into my glass… I didn’t drink it. After dinner, he wants to go barhopping. Thinking back on it I should’ve just gone home. Anyway, he continues to get very drunk at places that he frequents. The people at these establishments clearly think it’s strange that I am with him. They assume we’re dating at this point. It’s clear to me that I am the only one he brings out like this through the night. He keeps testing my boundaries, touching my neck here and there touching my lower waist… happily giving himself the appearance of dating a young woman after his divorce. I’m too in shock to accept what is occurring. I brushed it off and deny my perception of things. Next week he comes into the bar, the owner of the establishment is being an asshole, and I’m visibly pissed off so clearly that would’ve been my last shift. This man takes it upon himself to give me a kiss on the head as he leaves… at this point, I’m still processing the aftermath of a previous sexual assault and I don’t want to believe that I’m going through something like this again with another creep. Because he did it in front of others and they said nothing, i chalk it up to a fatherly kiss from a guy who is too physically affectionate. Anyway, a few weeks after I quit the bar, he invites me out to dinner. I said yes, but I can’t be out for more than an hour or two because my elderly dog is really sick and I have a race in the morning. We meet up and he is really dressed up. Again, same thing through the night he keeps touching my lower back but maintaining “fatherly” conversations. Finally, the dinner has ended and we make a pitstop at his apartment so that he can show me his new art studio (I nor realize he’s trying to see if I’ll break my own boundary with the time I set to be back home). At this point, I’m weirded out, but again, I cannot accept the situation and I go along. I go upstairs. I remind him that I do have to leave in about five minutes. After some more time goes on, he smacked my ass (like an athlete butt slap. I was in utter shock- I felt physically ill, but I couldn’t mentally process what was happening). I act polite still, and then i go home. He texts me the next morning saying “great night last night!” I blocked his number. I know that I sound like the stupid one throughout this whole situation, but I feel like a lot of people would’ve been susceptible to this sort of treatment after the way he intentionally lowered my boundaries after some time. All this to say, he works at a church and I am petrified that he’s going to use his status to “mentor” other young girls, only they’ll be younger and more naive, so he’ll eventually lower their guards ALL the way … I don’t want to imagine how far that could go. Anyway, all this said, is there ANY chance he’s just touchy and maybe clingy and lonely, NOT trying to groom me? Because I am GOING to call his church to tell them everything. There’s much more that happened, but things will get convoluted and long if I type out these minor details.
TLDR; old man acts like a mentor to me and gains my trust enough to cross physical boundaries in larger increments over time. Looking for any indication that he’s not being malicious before I call his job which regularly exposes him to young and naive women.
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They all do this. Blech