I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with something like this. I’ve tried to talk to my husband and best friend and I felt like they kind of brushed off my feelings.
So the last time I saw my Aunt (moms sister) and her family was 28 years ago when I was 9 years old. I don’t know all the details and I’m not sure it really matters why but they went no contact with the whole family over her relationship with my grandparents. They have both passed quite a while ago.
I’ve had lots of feelings and opinions about this over the years but about 7-8 years ago I finally made my peace with it. Decided that if they didn’t want to be my family that was fine, I wouldn’t consider them family anymore. I tried not to think about it much.
Cue to today, I found out she’s been talking to my uncle for the past two years and she’s going to come to a family function for the first time in a few weeks.
This is bringing up a LOT of feelings for me I’ve discovered. But I don’t really know who to talk to about it. It’s such a weird situation. I’m feeling nervous, excited, sad and happy. I almost have a grief feeling deep in my chest. I don’t know what to do with it.
I’m not really sure where I’m going here but if you made it this far, I appreciate it! I probably just need a therapist š
Comments
I don’t really know the context as to why your aunt’s family went NC with her parents (your grandparents) and I don’t really know why you are taking the position that they abandoned you specifically. But I will provide perspective. I cut contact with my father a long time ago. But I really missed his side of the family. About twenty years later, I decided that I could reconnect with them and it doesn’t mean I have to reconnect with my dad. When I did reach out to my extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents), I can’t begin to describe the love I felt for them and the love they felt for me. It was really healing.
I think some of this is complicated by the fact that you never really got to resolve your feelings when you were a kid and didn’t really know why these things happened. Maybe you brushed it off, maybe you accepted it, maybe you were hurt but didn’t really process why. Regardless, you’re here now. I’d just reinitiate contact warmly. Assuming that the issue was limited to your grandparents and your aunt (between parent and child), rest assured it had nothing to do with you. So try to get rid of the child-like mentality that you were abandoned (and I truly am not saying this in a judgmental way). Just accept that life happened and a hard decision had to be made by your aunt’s family about your grandparents.
Perhaps you can reopen the conversation and ask about it. Maybe you don’t know why they severed contact. Regardless, for now, try and seeing how you want to approach this. Do you want to treat them like long lost family, strangers you are getting to know again, etc.? Establish how you want to approach it, and then go from there.
It might have been CSA. Iām so happy you get to see her again. Just be yourself x