Hey Reddit, I need advice on my 2-year relationship with my boyfriend (33M). We moved in together in March, and I’m frustrated by our financial split, his lack of effort in planning, and his thoughtless gifts. I earn $75k; he makes $186k base plus a reliable ~$176k bonus (~$362k total). We split expenses 30/70, which helps but it feels unfair with his income nearly 5x mine. He insists his bonus doesn’t count as salary, which seems off. I’m 30, and I won’t be young forever—my dating options may dwindle if I stay in a relationship where I feel unvalued.
I plan all our weekends and trips, or we’re stuck doing gym and binge watching unless friends invite us out. He only pays for when we eat outside, other than that every thing in split. His demanding job (travel, high-pressure) might explain it, but I’m exhausted carrying the relationship’s spark. We’re best friends with shared interests but not sure if this is enough anymore . I’ve begged for flowers—a small, cheap gesture—but he only gets them for occasions. For my 30th birthday, he gave me a Pandora necklace and dinner! He only bought me Alo, Lululemon, Aritiza and Pandora like we’re in our early 20s! He can easily afford thoughtful gifts of designer gifts for big occasions but doesn’t. Worth mentioning he’s cheap for himself too, only buys very little for himself !!
I know we are not married, and we don’t wanna have kids but am I expecting to much here ? What’s the real world relationship dynamic out there ??
Whenever I talk about an issue he like this flower thing for example, he says sorry I will do from next time but it’s a never ending cycle.
I’m scared to raise the money split or effort issues because he might break up, and I don’t know if these issues are big/important enough or it’s all in my head? I don’t know what fish is out there in the pool. Are my expectations skewed by social media, or is it normal to want fairness and thoughtfulness? How do I discuss this without risking a breakup? Any tips to revive our spark? Thanks!
tl;dr my boyfriend makes me like undervalued and i am not sure if i am making a big deal or not