For context, my ex(M23) and I (F21) live in Western Europe and had been together for more than 2 years. He recently broke up with me because I had a bad relationship with his mother and I didn’t want to fix it (see my last post about the breakup). We have ups and downs, like any other relationship and we got around to fixing it every time there was an issue, be it my temper or his ignorance; there was growth. But one thing we could not compromise on is his mother. In the beginning, his mother and I got along well, good even, but as time went on, his mother started showing her true colors. A series of issues happened: When my ex and I didn’t want to go on their family vacation she warned him that if I truly loved him I would let him, and gave him advice to play more games and not spend too much of his time on me; they also didn’t let me study on their family vacation, when my ex asked me if I wanted a banana and offered to get me one, his mom said why are you getting it for her? she can get it herself, she yelled at me for warning his sister that steaming plastic is cancerous when she was making dumplings, got mad at my ex for lending their bag to me, got mad at him for lending his card to me, accused him of not paying back her money, and scolded me to my face when I and my ex were laughing at a texting mistake by her former maid, spam calls and texts my ex, sent love letter with hearts and plushie to my ex, etc… there are so many things she did which made me so upset and also at my ex. He would meekly agree with me these things were weird and wrong but would switch back to defend his mom, the constant cycle again and again. I had a serious talk with him a year after this all happened and he stood up for me for the first time, like super brave and all. He felt good, I felt good. But deep down I feared this was a one time thing.
But I just couldn’t stand her anymore, this is her nature, I don’t think she’ll change her jealous nature, she’ll just hide it more. I don’t want to have anything to do with a mother so jealous and intolerant and ungenerous with her children. To me, that’s not a real mother. I would only see her on her birthdays and holidays, but other than that I don’t want more interactions with her.
To top it off, my ex seems to like and tolerate all this shit from his mom and wants me to. This turned me into a bitter person who gets into a fights and yells and causes shit every time his mom does something. I used to be normal, a young college girl who had open arms, willing to try, into someone who is bitter and brings out my worst side. My ex’s spineless personality makes me so angry and bitter that he can’t even stand it, but I don’t think he’ll ever change to stand up to his mother yelling at him. Then he broke up with me, citing me as the reason for not wanting to have a good relationship with his mom.
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You’re 21. You’re going to have a few more boyfriends before all is said and done. Be grateful for the lessons you learned from this relationship. Enjoy being single for a while, the vet your next boyfriend candidates carefully.
It might not feel like it right now but you are definitely better off being away from people like that so you can build a successful life for yourself 💪
Sounds like FMIL’s behavior was super toxic and controlling. You’re better off without her drama in your life. Maybe this breakup is an opportunity for growth and finding someone who respects your boundaries. Don’t regret standing up for yourself.
Congratulations on not having a grossly enmeshed BF to deal with anymore. Be single and enjoy yourself. Life is too short to hook up with mama’s boys, they are gross and weak minded. That sort of weakness is not something you need in your life.