I hate it, I’ve been so strong and sure of not wanting kids, fighting with my parents cause they kept pressuring me,but my younger sister had one, I saw her excitement on her finding out,her journey through pregnancy went, how motherhood is going for her, how perfect her daughter is, now I want kids, I want to experience it all, but I don’t want the “I told you so’s” and I found a partner who actually doesn’t want kids, and would be a terrible parent, I’m so confused and conflicted and I’m almost 30
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try reading some threads on r/childfree you may find some helpful threads. best of luck
Borrow your sisters daughter for a week…
If you’re conflicted, don’t. Kids are so intense dude, I have a 3 and 4 year old and it’s fucking hard. You need to be all in 100% sure and aware, or wait.
Editing to add I love my kids to death and regret nothing, but it is also hard and I feel like people should be honest about it. You need to be completely sure.
i always said that i didn’t want children. I had 2 abortions in my 20’s. Everyone knew I hated kids. At 32 I changed my mind and had my one and only child . He is amazing. He’s 21 now and he’s just a great human being I’m privileged to know. I’m so glad he’s here on this planet. Getting through the first 5 years of his life was a struggle but it was 100 percent worth it. No one criticized me for changing my mind.
Never too late to change your mind. First though, try being heavily involved with your sister’s kids. That’ll let you know if this is baby fever or you deadass want kids
You still have time! My mom had my youngest brother at 32, my best friend her mom had her at 36. I know a lot of people that start in their 30s!
I don’t think it’d be a good sign for me if my partner would be a terrible parent. If they don’t want kids sure, that’s fine, but if their personality would make them a terrible parent, I don’t imagine they’d be a great partner.
You’re allowed to change your mind. You owe it to your current partner to be honest about your change of heart.
Having your own kid is different from having your sister’s kid for a week… don’t listen to these ppl 😂 a commitment to being a uncle is different from being a parent 🤷🏻♀️ not the same at all, so I’d say you do you! If years come and you still want a child, you know what to do! Being almost 30 is nothing my guy, you still got time! Good luck!
Yeah these days parents don’t have much say in how their kids are disciplined or raised so the intensity of my aversion to procreating has only intensified. Good luck.
Your sister’s kids is good, but you might have a difficult child.
Or one with needs.
Why don’t you try fostering?
Think about it for a year at least. Once you have kids there is no going back. It will change you fundamentally. What others will say to you doesn’t really matter. It will only be for a while. But kids are forever. I love my kids beyond all reason but motherhood is so exhausting. Each pregnancy is different. There is no guarantee you will have a similar experience to your sister. Don’t even get me started on the expenses.
Work at a daycare for about 2 months (minimum) consistently and revist this.
People like OP are part of the reason why childfree people aren’t taken seriously
>I want to experience it all, but I don’t want the “I told you so’s”
Not a reason to not have kids if you want them.
You and partner might no longer be compatible.
Your only 30… You’ve changed your mind. Fantastic news all-round… Twins incoming…
If you’re not 110% certain, don’t do it. It’s better to regret not having kids than regret having kids.
I thought I didn’t want kids for a long time and when I hit 35, I had a change of heart and luckily my husband was open to it either way and is a great dad. I’m 38 and pregnant with baby number two. For me, it’s the best decision that I made. If you really want kids don’t even worry about the “I told you so.” You do need to have an in depth conversation with your partner. You need to have two yeses in this one. I wish you the best.
First, address your doubts inside yourself about your partner. You said he’d be a terrible parent. Think deeply about this. Before I had kids, I was incredibly attached to my nibblings. I would have ripped the heads off anyone who would have tried to harm them. Could you possibly be looking at your partner and realize he’s lacking even around your niece?
Next, could you be doubting the potential of your partner to grow with you in the future even if you don’t have children? Exploring the possibility of children means your partner has the potential for incredible growth and the flexibility to think of all possibilities and plans. If your partner is intransigent in a particular area, is this a turnoff for you?
Now begin to explore, “Do I want children in the future?” If you’re still on the fence, that’s okay. But you may still think your partner is too rigid, and you already have your answer about him.
I’d suggest trying to foster kids
My uncle divorced his first wife because she wanted kids. Then he got remarried to a staunchly childfree woman, then a few years later I was born and they both realized they wanted a baby after all. They love my cousin more than life itself and have an amazing beautiful life as a family of 3. If (and big IF) that’s really what you want, it’s not too late to go for it!
But OP, think long and hard about it before making any permanent changes. The grass is always greener and baby fever is a real thing that can pass and leave you stuck.
What you’ve become smitten with and want for yourself is how your sister’s life looks to outsiders. At no point did you say, “I crave the sleepless nights, the possible congenital defects or developmental disorders my child can be born with, the potential of death to myself or baby because pregnancy is dangerous, the loss of friends because I no longer have the time or energy to cultivate relationships, no longer having time for my interests and hobbies, spending $50k+ on childcare every year, the whole household getting sick multiple times a year because kids are walking Petrie dishes, having to explain to my kid all of the awful things I brought them into the world to carry the weight of….
As someone who 100% didn’t want kids, and very vocal about it, until a switch suddenly flipped at 37…don’t ever make or don’t make big life decisions based on what others tell you or out of fear of what others will think. You’re doing yourself a disservice by not being unapologetic about your life decisions.
I live my life by always asking myself “does it REALLY matter?”. So ask yourself: Does it really matter if they tell you ‘I told you so’?
dont have kids just becuase you think you’ll get the same experience as your sister. anything can happen and all children are different but they all deserve a parent that will pour 1000% into them no matter how difficult they are to raise.
See a fertility specialist and have children. Human beings are meant to procreate. Just give them your love and your attention.
Having a child is so special. Experiencing life over again through their eyes is the best. Who cares if they said I told you so. It is worth it.
Just because you see how motherhood is going for her, doesn’t mean there is cons and the other negative aspects as to having a child. You need to think deeper as to why you want them and if you would genuinely give up the rest of your life as you currently know it to be, just to have an image of what your sister shows your family. Maybe try getting a new pet kitten or puppy first and see how you deal with it and if the feeling subsides.