My bf (M30) and I (F29) more recently got back together (4 months now). In getting back together, I wanted to see three changes 1) no drinking, 2) better health (ie I am fairly into health and he is a bit overweight), 3) better with his money (he makes low six figures and he is constantly broke). I have only seen significant improvement with number 1. In terms of 2, he has put on another five pounds if I had to guess. In terms of 3, he is still hitting zero dollars in his bank account every month since we have been back together.
What is a realistic timeline to see improvements on all three things versus just one?
TDLR: Trying to be realistic with my expectations with my partner, but currently, I am feeling frustrated
Comments
Are you Bob the Builder in disguise? If not, do not try and fix this.
This is difficult because there is little detail behind the history i.e. how is it you came to this point in the relationship with those three things. Nothing that you have seen improvement with the drinking, I would ask if there is anything you could do and should do to promote better health or fitness. Possibly implementing new routines or habits such as swimming or cyclone because these are very low impact?
With regards to money in any relationship I have found that it’s sometimes best to remember it’s a partnership. Is this a lack of education around money and an inability to save? Maybe help set up a savings account and a standing order for money to go into each month. People can’t spend what they see going out every month ☺️ I hope you are ok though because I understand your feelings and frustration here.
I’m all for motivating your partner to be the best version of themselves, I just hope these are shared goals and not conditions of your affection. Cutting out alcohol is a big deal especially because it’s so normalized and even expected that because you’re an adult, you drink. And I’m assuming he drank regularly since it was a factor for you guys to get back together. I’m going to skip to #3 because it’s so hard to judge money from my perspective. Depending on where you live 6 figures either gets you a house with a yard or 2 roommates in an apartment. If he’s paying bills, rent, groceries, and possibly debt and just getting by then that’s all he can do. If he’s overspending and being irresponsible that’s a whole other story. At his grown age he should know how to manage his finances. He could see an advisor if that’s what it takes for him to see where his money goes. But #2 I think is where you are unreasonable. You can’t tell someone you’ll be with them but only if they look how you want them to look. I understand having concerns about health and you mentioned him being “a bit overweight” but reality is a lot of people are, and they are fine. If 5lbs is enough to make you frustrated with your partner you probably won’t get through any of the harder things. If he’s someone who doesn’t cook and eats out a lot then spending money and gaining weigh might be directly linked. You could cook dinner together instead of a date night. But honestly I don’t have enough information on this situation to say whether you’re asking too much or if he’s just not your match.