TL; DR : i’m feeling jealous over my boyfriend telling me he flirted with a friend oh his a few years ago, he need advice to deal with it and improve that situation.
I need some advice on a situation. Me, 25F and my boyfriend 28M, have been dating for something like 9 months. Since the beginning, he has always been very clear and vocal about how much he think i’m special to him, how being that in love is new to him. He was single for 5 years before me, had situationships here and there, but nothing serious. When we talked about it, he told me he did not want to invest himself with anyone who he didn’t feel right with, so he waited for the right person to give them everything he could. And that was me ! We have a really happy and passionnate relationship. He really sets the bar high, cares and reassure me whenever I need to. We have really good communication, do lots together.
But here’s the twist : a few month ago, I learned that he and a female friends of his, kind of flirted (very lighty) for a few weeks when they both got dumped and needed a shoulder and attention. He did not tell me that upfront, he took some time to tell me. They never even kissed, never spent time alone together, never held hands, nothing. That was three years ago. He also told me they were not close now, saw eachother twice a year during his high-school friendgroup’s annual reunions during holidays. They never text. But he kind of painted a portrait of her that was not very reassuring, and when meeting her I could see some traits that I did not like (she always flirt with men for attention, lies to get out of her infidelities, flirts with all the men of the group to make her ex jealous, needs constant attention, ect). I got to meet her a few months ago, and she had some weird attitudes towards me, and towards him. I did not like them, and thought they were inappropriate, him too. But overall, she was nice. I very quickly got jealousy and insecure towards her. My boyfriend and her spent a few days with their friends this summer. They were with a group of ten, so nothing intimate. But i was livid the all time. We talked about it with my boyfriend who said he was going to set boundaries with her so that i could feel okay, he did and said everything to reassure me ( that i was the one he wanted, that he waited for me, he didn’t see her like that and just needed attention at the time, texted me, called me…).
The last time they saw eachother, she kept away from him, and even said she really liked meeting me, that she would have been happy for me to come along them on that vacation. She said she find me really fun and that i was a nice match for him and the friendgroup. I should feel better right ? I dont understand why i don’t.
I trust him completely. Cheating is so out of him, we both come from families that got destroyed by cheating, and he was cheated on by his first girlfriend, told me and destroyed him and could never understand how you could do that to anyone. I have no doubt about him, not one. And i’m pretty confident in me so i dont understand why i feel like that. But i can’t help it.
I need to know how you guys would deal with this situation ? Is it me ? Is it normal and okay to be worried or am I turning into a problem ? I don’t want that to become a problem in this relationship and i really think they do not care about eachother like that since then.
What would you do ? How to feel okay with that and not turn it into a taboo or a source of conflict ? Do you have any advice on any work i could do on myself to feel okay and move on from this ?
Thanks