Hi everyone, I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’ve been feeling really confused and upset about my roommate situation lately.
I live with two roommates, and one of them has very high standards for cleanliness. She created a detailed weekly cleaning list that includes vacuuming, mopping, wiping surfaces, which is reasonably, but then she added air fryer, and microwave, cleaning the toaster, washing the floor mats and towels, wiping windows, every week. And she doesn’t allow us to disagree. She also insists we must clean only on weekends, but I usually visit my family then and I’m rarely there. She’s unwilling to compromise for Thursday or Monday (I’m not usually around on Fridays-Sunday). I’ve never cleaned to this extent in any apartment or even at home this frequently.
I have a hand injury which has persisted for several months but I’ve always done my scheduled cleaning, including vacuuming, wiping surfaces, taking out the trash, etc. But this roommate still calls me out regularly for not cleaning “enough,” or accuses me of not cleaning at all. For example, I recently cleaned the bathroom while she was watching me from her room, and a day later she messaged me: “Hi, will you be cleaning the washroom?” as if I hadn’t already done it. She’s never called the other roommate (f30) out on anything.
It feels like nothing I do is ever good enough for her. And when I try to explain that I’ve cleaned or ask for more flexibility, she ignores me.
Tonight I brushed my hair in the washroom and left some strands on the floor, intending to clean them up shortly. She usually sleeps early so I didn’t expect her to use the washroom. Within 20 minutes she sent me a video of the hair and messaged: “Clean this, it’s disrespectful at this point to leave the bathroom like that and then not clean it.” and attached a video. Meanwhile, she’s done similar things like leaving hair in the bathtub (for over a day), putting her dirty swimsuit on my stuff, or not wrapping her pads before throwing them out, which I’ve never commented on.
She also has set rules like that I can’t shower between 8-9:30 because that’s when she brushes her teeth before bed. I also get a stern talking to if I leave the lights on in the kitchen, despite the fact we don’t pay for utilities. However she has left the lights on in her room when she left for vacation.
I’ve been trying to be respectful, but I feel micromanaged and spoken down to. I’ve decided to stay until my lease ends in December, but this situation is making it feel unbearable. I really love the apartment, location and the rent so I’d love to stay longer.
Has anyone dealt with a roommate like this before? How did you handle it?
Comments
You’re being bullied. You have to be firm and just say no. You take videos of her hair or her swimsuit and adopt exactly the same tone in your messages. You shower when you want, and tell her she will just have to work with it. You all pay the same rent so you have equal status and rights. The ‘ she doesn’t allow us to disagree’ means what? If she won’t listen, you text both of them. You say, this is what I am prepared to do. This is what I consider reasonable. Personally I’d move out because I DPD hate such an oppressive environment but you should learn to stand up for yourself.