My(25 M) gf(24 F) was at a house party last night and there were about 6 people, with one of them being a guy. The guy is a college friend and he is practically living at her flat. She rents the flat with one of her other female friend and I know for a fact that guy is flirting with her friend.
But last night I saw a picture that he posted where he was carrying her in his arms. It made me feel uneasy.
I am mostly okay with everything she does but for some reason that picture made me feel very uncomfortable.
I want to talk to her about this but I might come across as being too insecure and jealous to feel this way. Would love some thoughts and advice on how to proceed.
Thank you
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What conversation do you imagine having with her? They were having fun at a party. It happens.
Long-distance relationships usually do not work. It’s entirely normal to be insecure in this sort of situation. She’s practically living with someone who could be an attachment threat to your relationship. I’d feel insecure too in your situation. Who wouldn’t? But then again, LDRs usually do not work, naturally. People can’t police each other from a distance. Relationship needs can’t be well met from a distance. Thus insecurity is almost always a huge problem in LDRs. Going to house parties is not the sort of thing most people in committed long-term relationships do, least of all without their committed partners. It just creates issues. I’m not saying either of you is necessarily doing something “wrong,” it’s just a fairly nonviable situation. I’d consider breaking up amicably (without any blame). You can always revisit the idea of being together in the future if/when circumstances are more conducive to a relationship.
Next time go to the party see the vibe
I understand how uncomfortable it might be to see that. However, I’d advise you to not confront her about that yet but rather pay a closer attention to how she talks and reacts with you from now. See if anything changes from her side; words, time spend on phone, texts, excuses if any, etc, and go from there. It could also be nothing, just friends hanging out with friends doing silly things.
She cheated
I would just end it, look at it this way, secenario 1 – she cheated, secenario 2 – she didn’t cheat but you realised LDR arnt for you
Don’t jump to judgment. It will only make things worse. Just talk to her calmly and give her space to respond truthfully. You can only judge based on what you know and whatever is done in the dark will come to the light. But until that happens don’t waste your energy on thinking of the worst.
If your conversation is going well whenever you talk about it I would straight up just ask if she has a crush on him or if she thinks she would ever do anything. It’s better than asking did you cheat.
You are not wrong to feel that way. Relationships are hard enough when you are in close proximity. Being long-distance makes it even harder since you don’t have the reassurance that frequent physical contact brings.
I think you should talk to her about it but bring it up casually. Ask how the party was and who was there. She will probably volunteer more information about what happened at the party as you talk. If she brings up the fact that this guy was carrying her, then you can inquire further about what led up to that. If not, you will have to lead to it. Maybe mention that you saw some pictures from the party and happened to see that he was carrying her. Present it as concern for her wellbeing. Like, did she get hurt? Was she not feeling well? Depending on her answer, you can figure out how upset you feel and if there are any red flags in what she said. If she keeps deflecting and acting like it was “no big deal” that he carried her with no real explanation for why it happened, then she may be trying to cover because it was on the inappropriate side. If you feel like she is being shady, you could try to confirm her story with others who were there, assuming you are close enough to them.
However the conversation goes, you can use this as an opportunity to set some clear boundaries and expectations for the future. If she is going to be at parties like this, then she needs to be respectful to your relationship while she is there. You could get all controlling and insist that she not go to parties where she and others will be drinking and something bad could happen. But I am assuming you haven’t done that and don’t want to be that guy, so she should be showing equal respect back by not getting so close with other guys. Imagine how she would feel seeing a picture of you picking up some other girl at a party. Definitely not good.
Best of luck. I hope this ends up getting resolved so you feel better about your relationship.
Start documenting
It’s stuff like this that makes me believe LDRs aren’t really feasible. Jealousy is normal, but with long distance between partners, there’s really no way for one or the other to truly reassure the other one.
Subscribeme
Leave her. Dont wait and watch and question your judgement.
Perhaps he’s looking out for her…
It depends on the pic…