It’s been over a year since I f22 was raped. Since then I have been terrified of any kind of penetration. I will have a panic attack and cry. I can’t use tampons anymore. I recently bought a box to try to again because it’s summer and I couldn’t do it the tampon wouldn’t go in I got so anxious and scared trying, it caused a huge panic attack.
Being scared of tampons isn’t my biggest issue, I can live with that mostly. I am absolutely terrified of penises and sex. Im meeting up with a boy end of August and I really like him and I plan on having sex with him. I don’t want to spend my life being scared of sex but l’m so scared because what happens if when I try having sex I freeze. I absolutely am terrified. Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. Any help with any of these issues will be greatly appreciated <3
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Are you in therapy?
Find a qualified psychotherapist and do the self-work. Share your vulnerability with this new guy, be honest with him, and don’t push yourself. Retraumatization sounds extremely likely here, which will not only affect you but potentially traumatize this new guy.
Make sure he knows your situation and why you’re having difficulties. Don’t force yourself or it’ll make it worse. Therapy is essential
Wow. I’m so sorry that happened to you 🙁 the world is evil!
The gravity of your situation is not something that reddit is equipped for. Seek out professional help.
You deserve it.
Just tell him about it and I guarantee you if he is a person you would want to date then he will be ok with however long you need to wait until you are comfortable
I would suggest to have a talk with your partner. Let him know that you are facing these challenges and want to move things slowly. If he is the right guy, he will understand you. However, I would also suggest you to challenge your fear or negative thoughts. Take power in your hands and experience the best moment with your partner.
I am really sorry to hear about your issue. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through.
Several years ago, fresh out of high school, I was being like every other gay young adult at the time and was hooking up with guys on Grindr. There was one guy that I hooked up with, we drank and had sex, I topped and then we just slept over at his place. Not sure why we didn’t sleep in his bed, but the sex was all over his house and we ended up sleeping on the floor. Anyways, I woke up to such a stabbing pain in my rear. He was trying to have sex with me, but went in completely dry. It hurt like hell, and I was so caught off guard that I had no idea what I should do. He eventually took me home, and I just kept it to myself. I didn’t want to get him in trouble, but what he did clearly wasn’t okay, part of me knew it was rape, but I blamed myself for it. I put myself in that situation, we did have sex, and I was afraid of the judgment of coming forward with it. After that, I was scared to bottom. It hurt so much.
Eventually, I did meet someone who did want to top. I realized, I never told anyone what happened. I just… moved on from it and just said I was a top only. I explained my situation to him, and he was shocked, but completely understood why I didn’t want to. I liked him, so I decided to buy myself a sex toy, and wanted to practice on my own. It took me awhile to work up the courage to even use it. I even bought special desensitizing lube so when I did, maybe I wouldn’t “feel” it as much. It’s weird to say, but I basically wanted to prep my body for bottoming. I still don’t like it, but I don’t shy away from it anymore and don’t have the fear that it will hurt like it did before.
Maybe you can try that, practice on your own with a toy. That away you can go at your own pace, and you can stop when you want to.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’ve had similar experiences as well as medical trauma and now I tense up if fingers go near my vulva. .I’m in pelvic floor physio and it’s taken me over two years to work up to her being able to touch the outside and inside without having a panic attack. I would strongly suggest working with a therapist that’s trained in trauma if your current one isn’t, as well as looking into vagina rehab doctor on Insta. She is very helpful for things regarding that and has helped many women that couldn’t endure penetration enjoy sex again, or for the first time ever. I also strongly recommend against putting pressure on yourself about this guy. If you’re still terrified, I wouldn’t suggest trying until you’ve processed and healed a bit more. Good luck!
slow down and build some trust please
I’m sorry that happened to you. I see you’re in therapy which is the best step towards working through this and working on yourself. It may be that you need a different type of therapy like EDMR or similar but take your time and don’t be hard on yourself. You’re young, a year is nothing in these circumstances. Work on other kinds of intimacy and trust with others before anything else. Someone worth it will understand.
Emdr therapy might be the right call for you. It will help you disassociate what happened to you to mundane things.
Find a partner (maybe this new guy) who will allow you to be 100% in control of all sexual activities until you are comfortable, even if it takes a long time. This is not something you should rush. There is no hurry.
How can u say u are terrified of sex yet planning on having sex?