TL;DR;: I am going through something right now. F16 and M16 we have been dating for over a year and he told me that he has been feeling out of it for a month now. He feels that we don’t talk that much. Which we don’t, he lives 45 minutes away and I can never text due to sports. But, I have never felt like it was a problem until I asked if he was feeling okay.
He then went on and say that he feels like we aren’t actually in a relationship and we’re just together. He also said that he hates how dependent he is and that he feels he relies on me for him to be happy. I have always been an independent person and a distant person but I never realized how hard it was on him until he told me.
We agreed that we don’t want a break because time won’t fix anything, communication will fix things. I get the feeling that he loves me but doesn’t want to be with me. He told me that he wants to learn if he can love himself as much as he loves me. I don’t know what to do because I have never been in such a good relationship as I am in right now and I don’t want to break up. But I also don’t want him to feel stuck in a relationship where he can’t grow to love himself.
Comments
Every couple going through disagreements/hard times say that they just need to work on “communication” more. Communication is a broad term for an issue that’s probably more specific.
While many others will say you’re young and you can move on, I understand the urge to stay. I, myself, have been with my husband since I was 14. There was plenty of times where I felt like we were together instead of in a relationship (we lived one hour apart for the first two years). The shininess has clearly worn off and your boyfriend isn’t happy. I can see you’re really putting the ball in his court.
All I can say really is that it takes two to make a happy relationship. As much as you want this to work, if he doesn’t, there’s not much else you can do. At that point, it would be best to let go. Hopefully, he is willing.
I’m probably going to be downvoted and hated for what I’m about to say, but as a formerly 16 year old person (I’m 29 now) I can tell you, it’s okay for relationships to end. This is not your last relationship. You both are still figuring yourselves out. Heck, you’re even below the age of consent in most countries. Yes, it hurts, especially if it’s your first relationship. But it’s okay to let go and it’s okay to hurt. It helps you grow, figure out all the green and red flags, etc. I also remember thinking I was going to marry my first bf and live with him till we die (we both were 18 at the time and dated for over a year). Let him go, let yourself be free too. Don’t be like our parents/grandparents who married their high school sweetheart and spent 40-50 years in an unhappy marriage cheating on each other and dreaming about what could have been.
I wish you strength and all the best of luck. Focus on yourself. You deserve to be happy and young at 16, not trying to book couple’s therapy. You’ll do that when you’re twice your age. Or maybe not, if you learn all your lessons from dating when you’re young and figure out how to notice red flags before you’re too far into the relationship.