Hello! I don’t know if I ever posted here before but if I did it must’ve been with an old username.
We are estranged from my MIL. However, my husband had to reach out to her recently. He needs his sisters death certificate to do something related to his fathers estate and was told by the funeral director to get it off his mom. So he texted her. She responded with vitriol so he didn’t respond. I did find out you can apply online for a copy as a sibling so we are doing that instead.
However I’m afraid his texting her has caused her to be crazy again. We have been through so much bc of this woman. She has spread rumors and lied about us, stolen from us, taken advantage of us, she unintentionally set my house on fire causing us to be homeless and then threatened to take my dog the shelter and have him put down after she volunteered to keep him while we were in a hotel when I didn’t give her $50. She attempted to blackmail us to try to get some of the insurance money, etc.
Anyway. Today is my oldest son’s birthday. She showed up at his school saying she was his grandma and brought a gift. THEY LET HER SEE HIM even tho she is not listed as one of his people.
He said she was talking about the fire and how she didn’t set it (she did, it was not on purpose, but it’s on camera, and the Fire Marshall is the one who decided what was at fault) and that she lied so we would get insurance money and that it was really electrical wiring that caused it (first of all, that’s not true, second of all, that makes no sense bc insurance would still cover it even if it was electrical). She told my son not to tell us or we wouldn’t let him have his gift.
My kid turned 11 today, this is not the first time she has tried to contact him behind our backs, and I don’t know what else I can do to stop this from happening again. I spoke to the principal and told her that absolutely for no reason should she be allowed near my children. In fact if she tries they should call the cops.
But idk. I hate her.
Edited to add: She was also trying to find out from my son where we live now.
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What was the school’s answer for letting her see him?
I’m so sorry this happened. As a teacher, it makes me sick. As a mom, it makes me furious. What is the school’s explanation for why she was given access to him?
I know this is about your MIL, but if you don’t get a very good response from your principal, I would absolutely escalate this to the school district. This is a major security breach in addition to a serious lapse of judgement.
You may want to consider contacting a family law attorney to discuss options. I don’t think you’re at the point of being granted a restraining order, but there may be other steps that you can take so that you’re prepared if/when she further escalates.
I would have a meeting with the school ASAP! This is a major security issue. What if she was a danger to his life and/Or you had an order of protection! wtf! OP you need to escalate this and don’t just accept an oops sorry we may have messed up.
I would even go as far as getting a restraining order against her for the fact that you are no contact and she went behind your back to see your son
I would make a police report about this just to cover your tracks. Then go and have a talk with the principal. Then the superintendent of schools. This is absolutely nuts. Someone who is not on the approved list should not have contact with your child without you or your permission.
Okay. So like the others, this breach of your son’s (and every other student’s) safety needs to be escalated up the ladder. The school board and district should hear about this. Next time it might not be a meddling grandma. Next time it could be a shooter, someone snatching a kid amidst a custody battle, any kind of predator.
On the personal level, I’d go for a restraining order, maybe the school thing is enough cause. If not, perhaps a cease and desist. I know school is coming to an end soon. Next year, perhaps a different school? One she might guess he’s at but not know? And one that has actual security measures in place.
The school screwed up soooooo bad. The lunatic could have kidnapped your child. This calls for coming down on them hard. Seriously hard. I would go to the superintendent and school board on this one.
Regarding the school: You need to address what happened at the school in writing. They need, at minimum, to provide you with specific steps they are taking to prevent this from happening again. As in who did it, how they are being disciplined, and the policies they are putting in place to prevent it in the future. Copy the school superintendent as well as the school board. This could have ended up so much worse, all due to their negligence.
Regarding your MIL: restraining order before she does something more serious, again.
Tell the school she is not allowed to see him.
You can, and should threaten to bring legal action against the school. Use a lawyer as your contact with the school. And skip the lower levels of administration, they will most likely try to rug sweep it. Take it all the way to the top–the superintendent.
At the very least insist that the person responsible for allowing her to see your son is fired. Not just for your son but for some kid down the line who gets picked up by a crazy relative and is kidnapped to another state or country.
As for your MIL, make a police report. And try to get a restraining order. In some states this can be difficult, but in many your circumstances would qualify for getting one. Again your lawyer can help you with this.
OP- I’m a teacher and your son’s school ABSOLUTELY violated protocol. No random person should be able to come off the street and into a school to see a child by request UNLESS THERE IS WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE PARENT OR GUARDIAN!
File an emergency order of protection ASAP!
Get a restraining order. Raise hell with the school.
I would be having a security conversation with the principal and staff….immediately. That’s a no from me dawg.
Go to the school board and to the police department to file a report. She sounds dangerous and unhinged.
Wow, I’m shocked. And surprised you, DH, or another emergency contact didn’t receive a phone call from school admin informing you “Mrs. So & So is at the front counter claiming to be Billy’s grandma…” as she was standing there. (My neighbor was school admin, she had stories…)
I’d definitely schedule a meeting with the district super & school safety officer. And document everything.
Oh I’d be camped out in the principal’s office with the superintendent on speakerphone; that is UNACCEPTABLE. The school should never, ever, ever be allowing anyone not on the approved adults list to interact with ANY student. Sincerely, I hope you raise hell about this, and run it as far up the food chain as you need to.
Showing up to the school AND the fact that she told him to keep a secret from you? 😤 I’d be filing a restraining order yesterday. Sending you strength and solidarity. She sounds absolutely unhinged.
Edit: not sure where you’re located, OP, but my super quick DuckDuckGo search says that schools can be held liable for negligence and violations of child protection laws, depending on what happened and how the child was impacted. I’m sure the actual laws vary widely based on location and I am definitely not a lawyer, but if the school/district doesn’t take you seriously, I’d personally be doing a blast on social media or a tip to my local news; the school might not care, but the last thing the district wants is damage to their reputation.
My MIL (with whom we decided to go no contact with almost 2.5 years ago) has also been to my children’s (small, private) school, on more than one occasion. Last year we emailed every single one of my kids’ teachers and met with the principal. MIL hasn’t gone back to school but has since shown up at their bus stop and our home. I had to practically beg my husband (thanks, enmeshment), but he was finally very direct and told her we would file a restraining order if she did any of these things again. Thankfully, she hasn’t…though I’m skeptical it will last.