Months ago my female friend asked me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. I am straight and my friend was aware of this. I feel slightly disrespected and uncomfortable, but she is in my friend group. I am also in a 1 1/2 year relationship with my bf. My friend sometimes jokes about sex and threesomes when my he is hangs with me and the rest of our friend group. Another girlie I shared my concerns with said I shouldn’t be worried about it. Secretly I want to barf when she brings up anything sexual. I haven’t told my bf about her asking me this. I don’t want him to picture me getting with other women. Perhaps maybe I am insecure. I still wonder if this is something i should be sharing with my partner and if I should say anything to my friend the next time this happens
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This definitely sounds like a mix of internalized shame and not wanting to be asked to cheat/not having them respect your relationship. Evaluate your friendship with this person… if theyre draining you in general, cutting back interaction isn’t an overreaction. This is pretty out there, especially for someone in a relationship to be asked of them, don’t let them gaslight you about that if theyre ever try. Its weird.
She knows you’re uncomfortable with it which is why she hasn’t brought it up to you again directly and is instead resorting to making those jokes in front of you two and your friends. She wants to gauge your reaction to see if you’re going to stand firm on those boundaries or not. If she asked you once and then left it alone it would be a different story, but she’s indirectly continuing to pressure you and you’re right to feel disrespected and uncomfortable. I would absolutely say something to your friend.