Lately, I’ve (29F) been thinking a lot about the early stages of getting to know someone…anywhere between complete strangers meeting for the first time to you’re not quite strangers anymore but not fully comfortable yet either. There’s a certain vulnerability I feel thinking about it… well because I’m already going into my 30’s and don’t want to be played with or rejected.
So now I wonder, what kinds of things help you feel more connected to someone early on? Is it deep conversations? Shared laughter? Seeing how they treat others? Is it more physical than I think it is now a days?
Would love to hear what stands out to you. What makes you want to keep learning more about a person?
Huge thanks in advance as I navigate the world of meeting new people ♥️
Comments
If she pulls out her phone at any point it’s an instant no. If your attention is anywhere but on me then goodnight god bless.
Don’t over think it babe. Live in the moment.
It’s everything you listed. Equal measure.
Chemistry. It’s can’t really be defined or even require some degree of compatibility. It’s either there or it’s not.
Shared life experiences helped me feel like I was connected with someone, but truly giving someone the space to be and to grow is what gave me the deepest sense of connection.
It’s just about connection. Does she think like me at all? Does she have any overlapping tastes or interests? Is she kind or is she a ball of resentment and anger? Is she arrogant? Does she think thoughtfully before speaking or does she just say the first thing that comes to mind? Is she attentive? Can she joke about awkwardness or is it just awkward? Does she seem to need to conform to her friends or is she really her own person? How much time does she spend on superficial things like tiktok or her makeup? Some of that is fine, but her looks should be the appetizer, not the main entree.
Basically, I don’t want a robot barbie. I want someone kinder than their looks demand, someone who’s reflective, thoughtful, and has a pretty secure attachment style. No “playing it cool” games. Just authentic presence and openness.
Reciprocation. Kinda like goldy locks, not too hot not too cold, just right.
Chemistry is huge, it pretty much dictates the pace of everything. That being said, someone who is more open emotionally can dramatically speed up how close I feel to someone
Honesty about the things we are ashamed of
The most powerful initial sign of great connection, besides physical attraction, is humor / sarcasm / cynicism. Do you see the world through the same lens? Are you able to laugh at and mock the same things? I believe this alone indicates a potential for special depth of connection that’s as rare to find as it is special when you do.
However the above or anything else for that matter won’t matter if either of you or both of you are spinning in a circle of talking to a dozen other people. If you aren’t excited enough about one specific person because your attention is diluted this way, that special connection might just pass you by even if it was there otherwise.