So me (25F) and my ex (24M) broke up about 2 months ago after a 2 yrs relationship, because he couldn’t give me what I needed emotionally (he’s a textbook avoidant, and he broke up with me because of it). We used to live together and have a small cleaning business together that I only work 2 times a week in.
Around the same time we broke up, I learned that my mom has liver cancer, and my ex told me that even though we were broken up, he would still be there for me.
(To add context, we are still sleeping together but I truly don’t want him back since he’s so emotionally unavailable it was taking a toll on my mental health.)
Tonight, my mom texted me to tell me she had to be hospitalized because she had a bacteria in her blood that could potentially be deadly if untreated. I wanted to call my best friend but since she was having dinner with her parents I didn’t want to bother her. So I called him, since we are still friends, and on the phone, he was a bit comforting. He said he was there for me. But he didn’t offer to come over or be physically present. I wasn’t asking for a grand gesture — I just didn’t want to be alone. So I texted him after and said that I just needed a friend right now.
He saw the message but didn’t respond right away. Instead, he sent me a reel on Instagram — a random video of a girl being chased by a monkey and hiding behind a wall. He said it was “to comfort me.” I was honestly speechless.
Eventually, I told him I felt alone and that I had just needed presence, not a video. His reply was:
“I’ve been trying to help you for a while and now I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”
He also asked:
“Are you saying I left you alone in this?”
It felt like he turned the situation into something about him instead of listening to what I was feeling. I explained again that I wasn’t asking him to be my boyfriend or to come cuddle — I just needed someone to be there in a vulnerable moment.
Since then, he hasn’t followed up or checked in, but he liked my story on Instagram. That’s it.
I guess what’s hurting me the most is this: if the roles were reversed, I would’ve gone to him right away. I would’ve brought his favorite snack, sat with him even if we didn’t talk just to make him feel better.
So here’s my question: Is it too much to expect emotional support from someone I used to love, even as just a friend?
Any honest input would be appreciated. I feel sad, disappointed, and kind of humiliated right now.
TL;DR: My mom was hospitalized due to cancer. I reached out to my ex for support — not to get back together, just because I was overwhelmed and needed a friend. He stayed on the phone a bit but didn’t offer to come see me.When I said I felt alone and just needed presence, he got defensive and made it about his feelings. Now he hasn’t checked in, just liked a story I posted. Feeling really disappointed. Am I expecting too much, or is he just emotionally unavailable?