Hi, I’m a 19-year-old Filipina in a one-year relationship with my 18-year-old Filipina girlfriend. We’re currently on vacation in Singapore, made possible through the help of my parents who live here. My mom paid for her plane ticket here and will also be covering her return flight. Everything she eats and drinks while we’re here is also provided by my parents. We’re flying back to the Philippines on July 8, just before school resumes.
Back home, I currently live at my girlfriend’s house—not because I wanted to, but because she insisted. My mom even spent her own money to build me a room there, which is where my girlfriend and I stay together. I had to move there due to serious issues with my relatives, and while I’m really grateful for the kindness her family has shown me, my mom still continues to financially support me. She sends ₱10,000 monthly to my girlfriend’s mom to help with food for both me and their family, and also gives me ₱7,000 as my personal allowance for school.
Now here’s the problem: in the Philippines, it’s a common expectation to bring home a lot of souvenirs after traveling abroad. So naturally, there’s pressure to bring back gifts. But my girlfriend’s extended family—cousins, uncles, aunties who don’t live with them—have been asking for items like shoes, perfumes, and bags.
The truth is, my mom simply can’t afford to buy a bunch of those type of souvenirs. She’s already covering our plane tickets, my school fees, and also supporting my siblings who study here in Singapore. So we’re only planning to bring back enough for myself, some things for my relatives, and a few gifts for my girlfriend’s mom and siblings. It’s also worth mentioning that bags, shoes, and perfumes here in Singapore cost twice as much as they do back home.
I tried to talk to my girlfriend about this, explaining how I felt. In our culture, people often get upset if you return from a trip without bringing them anything, and I wanted her to understand that we’re doing the best we can with what we have. But instead of being understanding, she’s been acting cold and distant ever since. She hasn’t said it directly, but I can tell she thinks I’m being selfish. And that really hurt—because I hoped she would support and comfort me, not make me feel worse.
TL;DR: Am I really being selfish just because we can’t afford to bring home expensive gifts for her extended family?
SUMMARY
Hi, I’m a 19-year-old Filipino girl in a one-year relationship with my 18-year-old Filipino girlfriend. We’re currently vacationing in Singapore, thanks to my mom who paid for both our tickets, covers all our food and expenses here, and will pay for our return to the Philippines on July 8 before school starts.
Back home, I live at my girlfriend’s house—not by choice but because she insisted. My mom even built a room for me there with her own money. While her family treats me well, my mom still supports me financially—sending ₱10k monthly for food (shared with her family) and ₱7k as my personal school allowance.
Now, the problem: it’s common in the Philippines to bring back souvenirs after a trip. However, my girlfriend’s extended family (cousins, uncles, aunties who don’t live with them) are asking for items like bags, perfumes, and shoes. These are much more expensive in Singapore—double the price compared to the Philippines.
My mom can’t afford to buy a lot of souvenirs, especially since she’s already covering our travel, my school fees, and supporting my siblings here in Singapore. So we’re only bringing souvenirs for my relatives, and a few things for my girlfriend’s mom and siblings.
When I expressed my concern to my girlfriend, explaining that my mom can’t afford everything her family wants, she started giving me the cold shoulder. She didn’t say anything directly, but her attitude hurt me—I expected understanding and support from her.
TL;DR: Am I selfish for not being able to bring home souvenirs for my girlfriend’s extended family, even though my mom is already paying for almost everything?
Comments
Tell them all to FO simple