Are there any words more haunting than that?
My new boyfriend keeps asking for pics and I HATE IT. Finding my angles and getting dolled up when I’m sweaty and look like shit and confronting my body dysmorphia and dysphoria about my facial features after a long work shift is the last thing I wanna do
Edit for clarification: most of the time he wants selfies, not nudes. I know that some of you guys are okay with just taking random pictures and that’s what he probably wants but I genuinely cannot do that because I FEEL so ugly when I see pictures of myself. I don’t have a normal face and that’s not me being self hating, it’s a fact. I think talking about it or taking backup pics is probably the way to go for me.
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So … just don’t? How old are you?
explain to him that you are not 24/7 photo-ready, and that we got over guys demanding constant pics in our teenage years.
“sorry, I have things to do. like a real life person”.
I’m fairly confident he doesn’t need to see you dolled up. He just wants to see you.
My boyfriend doesn’t ask me for pics that often, but we sporadically send pics to each other. Sometimes I will tell him “I feel kinda gross right now, but maybe I’ll send one later” or “not really feeling like it at the moment, sorry”. Communicate to your man, he will understand!
The best advice I can give you is to tell him that while you do enjoy sending him pics that sometimes you don’t feel sexy and it actually makes you feel worse to force it.
If he is a mature adult he will understand and not get mopey about it.
Send him a sweaty, shitty one so bad that he’d stop asking
Long distance is hard. We lack a lot of context, such as how nice is he? What’s he after from you? Does he treat you right? Does he have random spats of anger? Etc.
Only you know your answer, to not feel like it is ok, but long distance – it may be his only way to feel close to you. I can understand why he would want to see you. I would need to see my woman.
Maybe this long distance relationship isn’t going to bring joy to your life…?
If I were in your shoes, I would be petty.
“Send me a pic”. Sends him a picture of something random.
“Send nudes”. Sends him picture of noodles (noods/nudes).
“Show me what you look like under those clothes”. Photoshop a copy of your outfit above your head.
Tell him you’re not comfortable with it, if he’s worth keeping around he won’t hold it against you
You need to reframe how it sounds in your mind. Don’t worry about how you look and think more about how excited he is to see you. Also, if you’re worried about taking that selfie… The key to that is to think of how he makes you feel. I’m serious, it works. You glow when you are thinking of somebody that just makes you smile.
If you are interested in sending them but not taking them, plan a day to take a bunch of pics. Change your clothes, location, hair, etc. Then save the pics for when he asks and pick one. He’ll never notice.
He can wait until you are filled up and should accept that answer…
I totally get it. Men can really nag. It’s annoying and it’s boring, and the entitlement! Drop everything and do this for me right now.
And even when I explain that it’s not fun, it’s not sexy for me they don’t give a shit and just nag for you to do it “because they had a hard day”, or “you should spoil me”.
It’s much more fun if i am in the mood and do it spontaneously rather than after been begged for it.
Don’t show your face in the pics!
I’m a big believer in not doing things you don’t want to do in romantic relationships. I think a lot of people are missing the point and telling you not to worry about getting dolled up. It’s not about that, it’s about the dread you feel when you see those texts pop up. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, but maybe you’re not compatible, and that’s ok.
I’m not sure why you are being negative about ur boyfriend wanting to see you? You dont need to be “dolled up” for him. My gf also likes me sending pics all the time, because I know she likes it I am always making sure I send some pics of what im doing and of myself. Its a small thing to do for ur partner but means a lot to them.
If you are uncomfortable sharing explain this to him
And if he loves you he more than likely doesn’t need you to be all pretty with makeup
If you hate doing it, don’t do it? Just explain that to him.
If it’s a healthy relationship, a quick chat should get that sorted in a few minutes…
Then say no
Don’t do this. Ignore it or send benign photos if squirrels or a neat old sign.
Gonna be real with you. Most guys when they ask for a pic, want you, just you, right then and there. They wanna see you in the moment.
It’s a big reason why I FaceTime my GF all the time. I fell in love with the woman not her makeup.
Now communicating to him that you struggle with body dysmorphia is very important as well. And HOPEFULLY, if he’s mature enough he will take you at your word and say “ok maybe another time” and move on with the conversation.
If I was long distance with my bf, I would take a bunch of pictures (sexy ones, selfies, gym ones etc) when I was feeling myself and hot, so when he asked for one, I had some ready to go LOL. just some alternative advice. Obviously don’t do what you don’t feel comfortable with, but if it’s something you otherwise don’t mind doing or enjoy doing, but just not always in the moment – having some just ready to go would help a lot so you don’t feel shitty but you still get that intimacy in your long distance relationship.
My favorite picture of my girlfriend, she was in hospital with a kidney infection. She was sallow, tired, hair stringy and oily because she couldn’t shower. Hospital gown and everything. But she was smiling, because I walked three miles to that hospital to be beside her. Until that day, the only times anyone ever visited her in the hospital it was her family. Even her first husband didn’t stay beyond labor for their two daughters. I’d attach it here, but it doesn’t look like I can.
We don’t need to see you at your prettiest. We don’t even NEED you to take a picture, you can say you aren’t up to it now. But you can send a picture of yourself looking disheveled like a goblin with half a mouthful of shredded cheese, and we will love it.
Maybe you could talk to him about it and explain that you’d rather not take pics of yourself often. If he wants pictures to feel closer to you then maybe ask if you could send photos of where you are, interesting things you’ve seen, food you have, or just random stuff. It’s really understandable to not like taking pictures of yourself often, I think most people don’t like having their picture taken. It also makes sense to feel like you have to send him pictures because you’re long distance, but you really shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable to maintain your relationship.
I just send old pics, at least until we’re REALLY comfortable together
Send him a picture whilst squeezing one out that will tell ya whether he is looking for spice or just wants to see ya. 🙂
How long have you guys been together? I dont see why you have to send a dolled up photo with good angles?
He just wants to see you.
I never care when I send photos of myself to my husband if one of us is away, its ok to be normal in front of your partner.
Tons of comment saying “yeah they just want you they don’t care about how great you feel!!” probably do not relate to how we feel about ourselves
I’m with you, however, I found out dating wasn’t a thing for me because of the constant ask for pics throughout the days that I never once wanted to do, because of the same reasons as you.
So take that as you will I guess…
ive always sent snapchots of what im doing without thoughts. he knows my bad angles anyways. why doll up?
So, from the lesbian perspective, I also had an LDR (the LD ended, not the R) for years, and my partner hates photos of herself and I just liked seeing her. So like, I don’t think all the “ugh, men” comments here are necessarily fair without knowing more than we do. Maybe he is being a creep, or maybe he just likes seeing you. Women can also like that.
My partner and I talked about it. I understood that she hated taking photos, she understood that seeing her was important to me, we found compromises that worked for both of us and helped our relationship. The advice here saying “talk about it” is spot on. Whether he works with you or is shitty about it is the mark of whether this relationship is worth it or not.
Some of my guy friends that had crushes on me would ask for pics all the time. I would send them the most UNFLATTERING pics possible on purpose – double chin, sticking my teeth out, cross eyes, etc. Eventually the asks stopped lol.
Your bf is not entitled to your body, and that includes pictures. Anything you send him should be on your terms, it does sound matter if you’re long distance or live down the street. I know it’s difficult but you need to talk to him about how all of this is making you feel, if he truly cares about you he will listen and understand, if he gets angry or tries to make you feel guilty, then it might be time to re-evaluate things.
I’m with you OP. I HATE taking pictures of myself and feel only dread when asked. And it’s so much work – hair, makeup, take 100 to get 1 i don’t hate and feel like shit after being confronted by so many I do hate.
I also just… don’t get it. He knows what I look like, I look the same! My face has not meaningfully changed! I guess I’m just not a ‘visual’ person because I also don’t care to receive pictures (in my head my loved ones are just sort of amorphous shapes made up of all the love I have for them and their defining qualities) I don’t even see faces when I dream. Receiving pictures just makes me feel anxious that I’ll be expected to reciprocate.
How often are you getting these requests? Is he saying, “send me a pic of yourself”, or just “send me a pic”? Can you send him pics of other things? Like something that brightened your day? Like, it’s a nice day out, here’s a pic of how sunny it is. Can you also video chat periodically so you can see each other?
Having dealt with hating how I look (still at it at times):
If you can swing it, sending the picture you hate and leaning on how much he doesn’t can be a bridge to feel better about yourself. Like, from the get-go you know your self-assessment is compromised, meanwhile he’s a good sample of your target audience. This has been a godsend.
If you can’t swing it, which, understandable: don’t. Just don’t send the pictures, say pass. Better yet, explain all you said to him if you can. Not because you owe anyone an explanation, but because saying it out loud can help you process it eventually – if it feels silly to say, it may start feeling silly to be worried about!
Just say no
Communicate the situation and how you feel, find out his expectations. He might just wanna see your face or your current activity to try to feel more involved as it’s a LDR. If he’s a good partner he’d understand and be a good participant in the talk.
On top of that. You can get all dolled up and take a bunch of fun or sexy pics and that way you have a pic you you approve of to send him when he ask even if you’re in a situation you’re not comfortable taking pics in.
I would’ve killed for my exhusband to ask for a selfie. Alas, he never did.
From the opinion of a (fruity) guy, he doesn’t need to see you dolled up, he wants to see you. I bet you any money he’s got 25+ pics of you from the most unflattering angles that are his absolute favorites.
However if it is causing you true distress then you need to communicate that. Communication is the backbone of any relationship.
“No.”
Don’t forget to add the period, I find it adds a touch of finality.
I’m with you, I just am not into taking selfies all the time. It’s an activity that takes time and effort and I don’t enjoy doing it and I don’t like being asked to send them because I don’t want to spend the time and frustration.
However, I am willing to send random pics of things I see throughout the day, and memes and screenshots. I can give interaction to help the connection but facing the camera at myself does nothing good for me. Way more likely to send a text text of what’s in my brain. I understand that’s a deal breaker for some, but I’m not a match for everyone.
Go to JcPenny and get a bunch of pictures done and then give them to him to hang around the house
You say “send me a pic” and I’m tired of taking selfies, you’re getting a pic of my dog or a pretty flower or the dishes I’m in the middle of washing. 😂
Doesn’t he even say “please”?
Send him a picture of what you’re doing. Your fingernails. Your hair dryer. Your crafts project. The bucket of popcorn you’re devouring.
It doesn’t have to be YOU. But something you’re doing. I hate selfies, I almost never take them. But when I first started dating my husband Snapchat was starting out and huge and I entertained him with horrible snaps of what I was doing at that moment. And I was a broke college kid at the time so… weird stuff.
I enjoy sending close up photos of my nose or eyeballs. So why are you getting dolled up? Put in the same effort he puts in.
I like to send my husband horribly unflattering funny pictures if he says things like that. Do whatever you want or just tell him you don’t like that 🤷🏼♀️
I set realistic expectations before I even meet up with someone, if I talk to them on a dating app. I don’t like taking selfies and most pics of me include other people that I wouldn’t share with strangers. I’m not going to change that aspect of myself, so I tell them right up front. If I do happen to take one and share it, it’s a bonus, not an expectation.
I hate it too. I like sending stuff when I feel like it, and most of the time when I’m asked to send pictures or video I feel like I can’t say no or it will ruin the mood. I’ve definitely gotten better saying no as I’ve gotten older, and the guy I’m dating now is very understanding when I don’t feel like it which is nice. And in turn, it makes me WANT to send him stuff the next time 😂
Take a pic of your elbow squeezed together to look like it’s a butt, he should enjoy that. A classic move.
I would hate this lol
“lol no”
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, especially sending pictures
My spouse hates pictures, so I don’t have a lot but they all are cherished, from age 18 to age 74, an arc
My boyfriend and I are long distance. We face time and ask for pics (especially SFW ones! I love his smile!) all the time, but like you, he tends to be insecure about how he looks and struggles with pictures. I respect the times when seeing himself is too much and don’t push beyond a small pout and reminding him I love him in every shape and how I would cherish the next time I saw it even more.
Just say no?
Does he forget what you look like? Did he forget to save the past ones?
I swear this is just a power move because they know it means stopping what you are doing to put your full attention into fulfilling a demand.
I just say “no, remember to take a picture of us both next time we are together”