I knew it was coming. He’s been completely disconnected for months and barely around.
When we were having the big talk, he asked if he could he honest and I said yes.
He went on to say that he picked me because he was getting older, wanted to get married and have more kids and he thought I was safe.
I was the safe choice.
I’ve been with him for 5 years, married for 3 and we have 20 month old.
I was safe.
I was safe but not passionate enough. Not sexual enough or exciting.
But shit, I was the safe choice and loyal so I was good enough for a while I guess.
I’m devastated. I have no idea how to move forward with my life.
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Sucks, but also life is to short to be with someone you are not sexualy compatible with people say sex isn’t important in a relationship..but it really really is, it’s at least 1/3 of the relationship.
Have you thought about marriage counciling ?
Are your love languages compatible?
Dang… I can relate. Been there, done that. My old man always said he chose me as his wife because I was the “good” one, you know, stable, dependable… boring as hell. But he’s gone now and so am I, emotionally speaking. It took a lot for me to realize I deserve better than being some dude’s safety net
So here’s what worked for me: I started doing things that made me happy again, like painting and hiking. Met new people who saw me for who I am, not just my role in life. Took time to figure out what I wanted from a partner, passion, humor, someone who gets me. Turns out, the right guy was right under my nose the whole time
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a scary process figuring out you want different things than your spouse. But if you’re brave enough to explore and grow… you never know where life might take you
Good news : Your child doesn’t have to grow up in a household where they see their mother being only treated as a child caretaker and safe option. You are young and can absolutely build a happy life. Don’t fight. Instead ask for as much as child support and alimony possible. You are better off a looser husband.
I’ve read your posts in the other subs. I’d move back home, closer than family. Get your surgery. Take care of yourself and your little one.
OP, now it’s your turn to “pick you”
Time to revisit your priorities and make a plan ….. it’s tough, but, you can do it.
He’s forfeited being anyone you need to concern yourself with …. And however tempted you may be ??
Do NOT try to “defend” yourself and/or try to change his mind. Don’t try to convince him of your value, over being the “safe bet”
FFS, that is truly one of the most insensitive and cruel things he could’ve said. Take him at his word.
You cannot unring this bell.
He got the kid ….. and I suppose to play devils advocate ?? You could also say you felt he was the safe option – for a secure future …. So, make sure you are well informed on what you’re entitled to, as you leave the marriage.
Just because HE is done ? Doesn’t mean you go at his pace ….. don’t let him bowl you over.
I’m sorry, you really deserve better.