Hello, I’m a sex addict!
Tbh I don’t know if one should use this term?
I’m so fucking tired of all emotions that surrounds this and the general health that comes with it.
Story: it all started with very high stress at work under 1 year, it got to the point that I came home and started bashing/breaking random stuff and later switched to fighting random ppl in the pub.
It became to much and I withdrew more from my social life. This is when I switched to corn and sex as a stress reliever. My then current gf started to say no more often then yes, as I’m sure my demand had risen from our normal drive.
The next part I’m not gonna go into much detail on, but it left me with a sexual trauma and a lot of shame from. (We tried something new and came too quick) After this it was just a hellhole with self blame. Gf reacted with complaining a lot.
Started beating myself up mentally and have never quit doing so and the corn watching skyrocketed along with my stress/anxiety, depression and self hate.
I’ve pulled from speaking about it and writing, but I feel that now is the time and it’s time to let it all go and get to work on myself to get better.
Footnote: I’ve tried going to a therapist, but felt too much shame to speak about it.
Comments
Regarding your footnote: that’s super common. Go back to a therapist. Tell them that you have a lot to unpack, but that you don’t feel comfortable sharing yet. They’ll be patient with you and you can gradually get there. You NEED therapy.
It also sounds like maybe your girlfriend isn’t the right person for you. Not because she doesn’t want the same amount of sex as you, but because she responded to some sort of issue with complaints instead of compassion and teamwork.
Cut yourself some slack! Everyone self soothes in some way or another. Sexual activity is a valid form of that. Recognize the societal judgement associated with sex and how it’s kind of bullshit. For example- do you know anyone that watches football or similar sports for hours on end on a Sunday? No biggie right? Now what if you watched porn for that long? Total freak right? Why? Virtually the same activity.
Is the sexual activity negatively impacting your life or is it your self judgement that is doing the most harm?
It’s so hard to speak truths at therapy. It’s normal to talk in circles until you feel comfortable. Sometimes I just blurt out my shame or confess to my lies.
Not speaking from experience but from what I’ve read, but a specific sex addiction therapist is better. Open, judgement-free discussion. You’ll find out where to find your balance.