I view sex as a form of intimacy, a deep connection you share with your partner where you are vulnerable. I have made out with my ex in the past, I never had sex. So maybe I’m not correct but I still want to vent this out.
I honestly do not like when everything revolves around sex in a relationship (I’m not trying to shame anyone) especially people who say their love language is physical touch and then it only involves sex. Maybe I just want to kiss for hours without having sex? Isn’t it possible? Or just holding hands? Even that is physical touch.
For me just looking at the love of your life is a form of intimacy. I don’t know how to explain this. I’ve talked to men and most of them just think being intimate= having sex. Some of them were also like “if we kiss then I have expectations.”
Sex is cool. But I just don’t want it all the time. I was reading a book last night where the only love between the characters was when they were having sex. It kind of threw me off. So yeah I just wanted to rant a little.
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Same. I honestly don’t think of sex as something very intimate or not the most intimate thing in a relationship. The things I would call intimate I can’t even say in public, and I won’t, but those moments were the most intimate more than sex ever will be
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“If we kiss then I have expectations” is wild work. That sounds like the “blue balls” excuse. Men get a boner and think it’s a woman’s responsibility to solve it for them.
I completely agree, op. If my relationship doesn’t have lots of other kinds of intimacy, it makes me not want sexual intimacy. And if a partner expects sex every time there’s any kind of physical affection, then I’m going to have to hold back on intimacy and affection unless I’m actively turned on. Which means there’s going to be less sex in general…
Kissing for hours sounds like my personal hell, lol. But that’s besides the point. I love physical intimacy with my partner. I’m just gonna put this out there even though I think it’s really cringe and embarrassing. Not to be too graphic but my partner loves to have his balls rubbed. And I love to rub him. Sometimes I will rub and massage him for maybe 45 minutes straight. I’d say like 80 percent of the time that leads to him getting hard. But what’s important is that we are in constant communication. So when I’m rubbing him and he gets hard I’ll say something like “You’re so sexy when you get excited.” And then I’ll give his dick a squeeze and kiss the top. Then I’ll say something like “I promise we’ll take care of THIS later.” Then he’ll giggle and say something cutely like “Well now I’ll be thinking about that all day.” Point being, it shouldn’t be hard to talk with your partner about expectations and how you feel in the moment about sex. Sometimes the intimacy leads to sex, yes, but we are both adults who understand that sometimes the other person just isn’t up for it right then. And that’s okay. And if it isn’t okay, then you’re probably with someone who either isn’t mature enough or who has too big of a difference in libido and you aren’t sexually compatible.
I love having sex with my partners, but ALL of them know if they want to make me really happy, and my favorite kind of intimacy, they just have to run their fingers along my back while we watch a movie or read or whatever. I am in heaven at that simple touch.
Not a huge fan of kissing tbh. I generally just don’t like things directly in front of my face, even if it’s someone I love.
For me, sex is the least intimate form of intimacy.
Dude, I’m with ya. Ain’t everythin’ gotta be ’bout hittin’ the sack, y’know? A tight hug, lingering glance, hell, even just chillin’ together in silence – that’s intimacy too. We gotta rethink this sex = intimacy crap. It’s just a piece of the pie, not the whole damn bakery. Know what I mean? 🤷♂️
There are so many forms of intimacy outside of physical intimacy. My partner and i’s most intimate moments are normally when we’re the most connected mentally. That can sometimes transition to physical intimacy but they’re no expectations or pressure for it to. Being touchy/connected outside of sex is a necessity for me to feel comfortable during sex.
Putting too much pressure on sex takes all the enjoyment out and is uncomfortable. Maybe that’s why you’re feeling you’d rather avoid it all together. But sounds like you’re dating some really gross guys if they can’t even kiss w/out having expectations. Anyone you’re going to physical with should respect your boundaries always.
Maybe try being direct on the first date and let people know your expectations. PG-13 stuff only for the foreseeable future and the people who don’t respect that won’t be a good fit for you. Plus setting boundaries in the beginning might help take the pressure off you and allow you to just have fun in the moment.
Anyone who doesn’t enjoy kissing is going to be terrible in bed anyways and should be avoided!!!
Same for me most of the time. Sex is great sure, but if I’m looking for intimacy with my partner I’d rather have a deep conversation with loving touching, i.e. back rubs or head scratching that doesn’t feel like it has to evolve to sex. That feels much more intimate and provides a feeling of connectedness that sex doesn’t always accomplish.
A million times agree. I’m coming out of a relationship where we went in circles for YEARS because my partner ‘wanted more intimacy’ and ‘didn’t feel loved’ because I didn’t want to have sex in the way that he wanted, as often as he wanted, and then at all. And I would ask, what else can we do that isn’t sex, because there are a whole bunch of stairs on this staircase, but you’re saying I need to leap up the whole thing? What else can we do that would make you happy with our intimacy? And he never thought of an answer. So I left.
None of my intimacy fantasies even involve sex.
I dream of one day coming home from work and falling into the arms of my partner, and not a dark and empty room.
I dream of sharing a warm blanket on a cold night.
I dream of leaning on their shoulder and feeling safe enough to let my guard down.
I even had silly thoughts about flipping a coin before movie night to see who gets to be the little spoon.