I (27F) met my boyfriend (27M) four months ago. From the start, he was so intentional he pursued me properly, took me on real dates, and carries himself with a calm, gentlemanly confidence that immediately stood out. He’s grounded, emotionally mature, and genuinely kind all the qualities I’d been looking for after dating for a while.
He makes me feel safe, seen, and cared for but I’ve felt a block between us sexually from early on. I find him attractive, I love being close to him, but when it comes to actual sex, something just doesn’t click. Our first time was clumsy, which I put down to nerves on both parts, but that feeling never really went away.
Part of this comes from my own insecurity. We never had that early, passionate “can’t keep our hands off each other” stage. He’s not dominant by nature, and sometimes it leaves me craving that raw, playful energy. There have been times he’s gone soft during sex, and when we’ve talked about it, he said it happens when he’s stressed about work or gets in his head thinking I’m not enjoying it and he puts pressure on himself to impress me. We had a long talk and I explained I felt very similar and I had hoped when I told him I loved having sex with him and I wanted more it would change, but it hasn’t.
I think about sex a lot, I want to feel desired and feminine, but his gentle energy sometimes makes it hard for that side of me to come out. I am starting to worry the passion between us isn’t enough to sustain a relationship, It’s started to feed into my insecurities and make me question whether he feels that kind of desire for me and if I feel it for him. Everything else between us feels aligned and emotionally stable, but this part of the relationship is starting to weigh on me.
So my questions are…Has anyone been in a situation where everything else worked, but the sexual chemistry just didn’t? Did it ever shift or improve over time? And if so how did you do it?? I want to be with this man I struggled to sum up how incredible he really is on this post, so please no “just leave” advice.
Thankyou xox
TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend (both 27) for four months. He’s kind, grounded, and emotionally everything I’ve wanted, but there’s always been a sexual block between us. We never had that passionate, “can’t keep our hands off each other” stage, and sometimes he even goes soft. He says it’s stress or overthinking, but I think he just doesn’t see himself as a sexual person. The lack of physical passion is starting to feed my insecurities even though everything else between us feels great.