Why is it that I perform super good in sex with girls that I don’t care about, but when I am with someone I find not only attractive but also interesting as a person, I can even get soft and cannot maintain erection?
Anyone else has similar problem? 26yo male here
How to switch the mindset from admiring her too much (maybe to the point of being intimidated by her) to just pure raw sex energy?
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Here’s an original copy of /u/CrazyRide72’s post (if available):
Why is it that I perform super good in sex with girls that I don’t care about, but when I am with someone I find not only attractive but also interesting as a person, I can even get soft and cannot maintain erection?
Anyone else has similar problem? 26yo male here
How to switch the mindset from admiring her too much (maybe to the point of being intimidated by her) to just pure raw sex energy?
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you care what they think of you. pressure.
You’re probably less concerned about impressing the women you don’t care about. If you’re attracted to them, there’s more nerves because the stakes are higher.
Men and women really underestimate how much men’s sexuality is impacted by their mental state. We’re expected to just be “on” at any moment that we both fail to grasp how much it matters.
Happens to the best of us. You’re too nervous, not comfortable enough, brain thinks you might be in danger, keeps your sympathetic nervous system pinged and ready to go. Blood flowing to all your muscles but not the one place you want it to be.
It’s because when you do care, you’re more present minded. In the other form, it’s essentially as if you were jerking off but it’s with someone else.
Communication is everything.
If she knows what you like, she’ll oblige or at least partially.
When I know it’s someone I like, the act of pleasing her gets me so horny that I and up performing quite well.
Same for me — pretty consistent like that over decades .. (I am old)
Inhibition? Something at stake?
A touch of the Madonna-whore perhaps.
Like all the other posts it is the connection. When you don’t care as much you turn into a beast in bed. With the connection you are concerned about what she is feeling and if you are too tough. Communication is key. Sit down with the ones you care about and ask them what they do and do not like in bed. I love my wife and it motivates me to do the best to make her feel good.
You may be overthinking trying too hard to please the ones you care about. Gotta relax and let it flow.
Nerves, the expectation and pressure that you put on yourself. Instead of thinking about how much you like/love/adore/ etc her. Think about how sexy she is and how much you just want to f*ck her.
For me, such effects was causedby the nerves: I really wanted her to enjoy the moment, do very well, make sure I don’t disapoint her… The added stress took my mind on a detour snd I could not really be in the moment with her, enjoying the moment and keep the flow and such situations tend to compromise the erection.
You get in your own head with the girls you like, like.
I have a similar problem. I orgasm too quickly if i care. I have to disassociate when it comes to sex which is not fun at all for either of us.
It’s like how musicians get nervous before an important performance. It means you don’t want to fail and be embarrassed.
Treat them all like pieces of meat. Trust me, you’ll both enjoy it more.
could it be maddonna whore complex?
Pressure. You gotta relax. The sex doesn’t have to be amazing. Eat her out first, let her get hers and the rest of the time she’ll make sure you get yours.
Welcome to the club. Where club “members” experience feelings for a bed-partner that can result in thinking about invasive questions about our sexual performance that, in turn, can lead to feeling anxious, which oftentimes hijacks our performance in those moments.
For us thinking types, it is an awful loop of recurring and unhelpful thoughts. On the bright side, I suppose that is why the phrase, practice makes perfect was first coined. You’ve got this!
Edit: Pausing and holding each other while you explore her body might also help provide the time you need to recover or acclimate.
Low self esteem, possibly. You get too anxious because you think your performance might be good enough for her, your body accepts and makes sure it isn’t good enough.
Low self-esteem probably.
I had this issue, it seems the less I care and the more I look at her like the slut in that situation the harder I get. It weird but it seems to be the most consistent method
you guys are having sex?
Sounds like you have a mental block or issue
If you care about girls in plural, maybe you should fix that first ..
Oddly enough I’m the opposite
You could stop having sex with women you don’t care about, which is pretty fucked up to begin with 🤷♂️
Same reason NBA all stars can net 3 pointers all night but miss free throws
i find it hilarious that the answer isn’t obvious to you 😂 you’re probably way more confident with the women you don’t care about, because if you say something to upset them, well… you don’t care lol.
It could be the way that you approach sex with them
It’s like why people enjoy cheating : There’s a level of spiciness to it. It can be hard to be spicy when you’re trying to be sweet, so things just aren’t going to be as hot
Easy…. you put yourself under pressure to do well with girls you like. You don’t put yourself under pressure with girls you don’t like, therefore have better sex!