A month ago today, that’s when she spat the words at me; she’d been sleeping ‘with multiple people throughout our whole relationship’. Her exact way of telling me. Nice.
I thought she was my best friend. I miss my best friend very much.
But this is a rollercoaster friends. The pain fluctuates, lingering faintly now, but the sharp stabs when I get triggered, fuck me, it hurts.
Then the hate rolls in. She was not my best friend. She was a cheater. Is a cheater. We were together for 5 years, still making plans for the future just 6 weeks ago. All lies. She was shagging her boss for the first 18 months we were together. Slept with someone on a one night stand last year. And now, she’s left me for a bloke she’s known for years. But not before shagging him, before telling me, oh no.
There are 2 sides to every story, and I know I smoked more weed than I should. (I’m 17 days sober today mind, go me) But she smokes too, and you’d have thought she would have talked to me if she felt it was an issue. We talked about everything, I thought we were on a level playing field, intellectually. Soulmates. No.
It took me 2 weeks to cut off ties and block her. I spent 2 weeks thinking we could be friends! Thinking we could work it out, how it could all be rosy! I finally listened to the advice received here, and from friends, and blocked her.
I owe her money. It got back to her that I had said words to the effect of, ‘fucked if I’m paying her a single penny’. So she sent a message to her sister, that was forwarded to me, saying that if I don’t pay her back she will ‘fuck him up so badly he’ll wish he was dead’.
Wow.
I’m not too sure how she can go about ‘fucking me up’, but it worries me.
I paid for her son’s phone for the past 3 years. I paid for all her weed, the whole relationship.
Should I pay her back the £900 I owe? Or do I just save the threatening texts, in case things take an ugly turn?
This is a proper dichotomy for me. I don’t like being in debt, and not paying anyone back feels wrong to me. But on the other hand, I would not have paid for anything in her life if I was aware that she was leading such a duplicitous life!
What should I do, in your opinion?
Comments
You shall always pay someone back. Thou shalt not steal.
Listen. She blew up your life, disrespected your trust, and now wants her money back with a side of threats? Wild. You’re not wrong for hesitating!!! No one wants to bankroll someone’s betrayal.
That said, if it’s money you legitimately owe, pay it back not for her sake, but for yours. Closure is expensive, but peace of mind is priceless. Pay her back in full or in installments, document it, and keep the receipts (literally and figuratively). Then block, delete, and go thrive.
Also, keep those threatening texts saved… just in case she decides to go full villain arc. You’re not being petty, you’re being prepared.
FTB
you paying for other things diane relate to you owing her the money. you have to pay it back. preferably by check and write on it “paid in full” – so she can’t accuse you of not giving it to her
You are both potheads. Neither are prone to make good judgments. You said you were 17 days sober? Keep going. Save your money find someone else…someone better. It will be sweet in the long run.
Have some self-respect man…don’t give her a cent..please, for the love of god…
Congrats on the sobriety. Stay clean, you’ll love yerself for it in a month or two and beyond.
Give her back the money and move on.
You were her best friend. Apparently she didn’t feel the same way.
Take the total of her son’s cell bill. Total it up.
Make a line. Take total your supposed debt to her. Make a line.
If it appears she owes you, write that you will call it even and take it as a lesson learned.
If she cheated this many times and you didn’t know, she will most definitely do it again and again. No trust = no relationship.
Save the communication and actually have her charged for uttering threats. You paid for her son’s phone for 3yrs and her weed, I am
Pretty sure she owes you. Good on you for getting Sober. She sounds like a real class act. Be thankful that mess is out of your life.
For someone who thinks she can get away with a crime, she sure as hell forgot rule number one of doing so – don’t put it in writing.
Honestly I’d probably keep that money. Save the screenshots, tell her to kick rocks. If you are attacked, report it with the clear threat in the screenshots. That’s a motive. She’ll be spending a few years in prison, and if she’s that talkative, she’ll probably throw any co-conspirators under the bus to try and protect herself.
There is such a thing as talking too much, and she seems to have no problem with that. Let her. It’s more evidence.
Edit: Besides, if you do give the money back… She’ll just hold that over your head as though you were a pushover. Tell people she cheated on you and that you paid her £900 for it.
Do not give that piece of trash a single penny
Just pay her back and cut her off after you don’t want that over your head
The Lord’s Prayer suggests that debts can be forgiven but the church decided that doesn’t mean you can pray away your bills
You could pay back the money because you owe it to
So essentially she’s blackmailing you. Give her half of what is owed and let her know the other half is for her contribution to the shit show.
Who cares you smoke weed? Totally irrelevant