I never thought I’d be writing this, but I really need your advice.
Background: My girlfriend and I had our whole life mapped out or so I thought. We explored every corner of this city together, had our favorite coffee shop, our spot by the river, even our grocery store and a specific mall where we used to meet by skipping classes. Three weeks ago, she told me “I am irritating her and I needs to find another girl” and moved out. Done.
The Problem: I’m completely paralyzed in my own city. I can’t go to the main area we both went to because I see her waiting near the shop where she used to wait for me . I can’t grab coffee without remembering how we used to drink coffee together. Hell, I can’t even take my usual route to work because we used to walk that path together. It’s like she’s a ghost haunting every street corner, every restaurant, every park bench.
The Worst Part: The mornings are absolutely brutal. For those first few seconds when I wake up, my brain forgets she’s gone. I’ll reach for my phone to see her message. And the dreams… the dreams where we’re still together are somehow worse than the nightmares. I wake up feeling like I’ve lost her all over again.
I’ve thrown myself into work and started hitting the gym religiously just to exhaust myself enough to sleep. I’m emotionally and mentally drained, but I keep telling myself I can’t waste any more time wallowing. I’ve even started reading philosophy books and exploring spiritual practices, trying to find some deeper meaning in all this pain. Part of me wants to dedicate my life to helping others or humanitarian work.
My Thoughts: I know everyone says “time heals all wounds” and “you’ll find someone better,” but right now I can’t even imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I’m starting to wonder if I should just move to a different city entirely to escape all these memories, but that feels like running away. At the same time, I can’t keep living like a prisoner in my own hometown.
We built a life together, and now I don’t know how to live in the spaces we once shared. I’m trying to be strong and focus on self-improvement, but some days I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water.
Questions for you:
- For those who’ve been through something similar, how did you reclaim your city and your life after a major breakup?
- How long did it take before you could go to your old spots without feeling gutted?
I’m genuinely lost here and could use some perspective from people who’ve walked this path before me.
TL;DR: My ex-girlfriend and I built our life around our city. Now that she’s gone, I can’t go anywhere without being flooded with memories of us together. The mornings are the worst, and I’m considering either moving cities or dedicating my life to something bigger. How do I rebuild when every street corner is a reminder of what I lost?
Comments
I’m purposefully going places we would go together, and adding in places he said he would take me and never did. He doesn’t get to ruin this city for me. He doesn’t get that much control over my life. It’s been three and a half months, and I get a bit teary-eyed, but nothing like it was in the beginning. It’ll get better. And if you find there’s a place where it doesn’t, it’s a rare town that only has one coffee shop; go somewhere else, meet other people!