I recently started talking to an old friend again after a while and she told me that she liked me and i was flabbergasted, she also spoke to me about her having borderline and sometimes being difficult. My best friend also has borderline so i told her it wouldn’t be that big of an issue for me since we knew each other for years and it always went well.. We hung out for a few times and eventually kissed and became more intimate and recently spoke about being exclusive.
However:
I wanted her to meet a few of my friends, she was fine with that. But every time we hung out with either of them (she met 3) she defaulted to either her almost obsessed love for Lando Norris. Or cats, or our sex life. I’m not even joking.
The thing i like to do from time to time is make slightly sexual remarks, not about us. But in general. Like, when we she’s eating a banana i go “yeah, she knows how to peel one” wink wink. And the 3 times i did that in the last week, were all triggers for her to COMPLETELY put our sex life on the table to those people she hardly knew for 30 minutes. With one she spoke about our difficulty penetrating. With the other, about how she needed help with something. And with the last one about the use of lube. And i just couldn’t take it anymore.
So last night when we were in bed i asked her if she could maybe tone that down because it annoyed me that every time i made a slightly “wink wink nudge nudge” remark she started talking about private stuff in the bed room. She also made an issue out of me wanting her to meet my friends because she thought i did it to “flaunt” her, while i did it because i felt comfortable enough with “us”
Well, i don’t know what happened but she told me that it was clear that i couldn’t handle her borderline to the extent i thought i could handle it (i did tell her that i was used to people with borderline, but i wasn’t used to people that had ABSOLUTELY, NO, FILTER) and that i was exactly the same as her ex (who she also couldn’t stop talking about, almost every conversation found a way to include either Lando Norris or her ex in it)
So i told her that it would be better if we’d stop seeing each other because i thought that it would help her. And she then started packing her stuff, crying, shouting, stomping her feet (39 year old woman…) and almost collapsed on the floor telling me how i was like any other guy she met, and how i couldn’t handle her and how she was finally getting comfortable with me and trust me and i made that all go away and crumble by saying that i didn’t want to continue anymore.
I told her that i just had a boundary and that i had no clue why she responded like she did to a in my eyes simple question? And then she started screaming “OF COURSE YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE, NO ONE EVER HAS BECAUSE I’M DIFFERENT”
And she also told me that she thought it was weird that i wanted her to hang out with my friends too from time to time, i told her that i thought it was normal to see if they could get along too since she was in my life as now “just” a date, but maybe eventually my partner.
And she snapped about that too “YOU’RE A PEOPLE PLEASER, IT’S UNHEALTHY TO SAY THAT, IT SHOULDN’T MATTER IF YOUR FRIENDS LIKE ME. BECAUSE IF IT ENDS BETWEEN US THEN THEY’RE NOT MY FRIENDS ANYMORE” …..
I didn’t want to send her home because it was late at night so we spoke about it in bed again, she told me she was sorry. But today i just had this gut feeling that it should be better for myself, and for her to just stop it. So i spoke to her again via phone call and said that i wasn’t sure about what to do next and she understood that, but she was hoping that i could at least see her this evening and if we got out of this i would make her the number 1 priority over my friends.
AITAH for wanting to end it with her even though i knew what i sorta could expect with her telling me she was going to be “difficult” due to her borderline?