I (26F) had a conversation about it with my partner (24F). I explained how I’ve always felt like she doesn’t really show me that she loves me. She never goes out of her way to initiate anything, whether it’s a hug or just looking me in the eyes and saying “I love you.” I’m always the one to initiate, and while she clearly enjoys receiving my affection and attention, it rarely feels like it’s reciprocated.
She responded by saying that, growing up, she never really hugged her parents or expressed affection. Her dad was very emotionally dry, and she thinks she may have inherited that trait from him. She also talked about feeling isolated, being homeschooled, never being socially active, and how expressing love doesn’t come naturally to her. But she still seems to enjoy receiving it.
I asked her to explain why showing love is so difficult. She said it was hard to put into words, it seemed that she simply didn’t know. We dug deeper, and I even asked if she might have some kind of empathy disorder, not to accuse her, but just so I could better understand how to make things work. She said it wasn’t that, it’s just hard for her to express. Honestly, it feels like even she doesn’t fully understand why. She’s never experienced any kind of abuse, so it’s not PTSD or anything like that.
She did confirm that she loves me deeply, but said she doesn’t always feel the need to show it. I’m still not sure what that really means. The way she said it felt like, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I needed to?” She eventually broke down in tears, saying she was disappointed in herself and hated that I felt this way.
For a few weeks after that talk, I finally felt like I was getting what I’d always wanted. I felt loved and cared for. But slowly, things slipped back to how they were before.
I’m a very honest person. When something feels off between us, I bring it up. What hurts the most is feeling like she might never love me the way I love her. That thought stays with me. I’ve asked her many times if she still loves me. I’ve even suggested that maybe it’s time for her to move on. But she always says she wants to stay. Sometimes she’ll even start giving me expensive gifts to show her love because she’s scared of losing me.
Eventually, I told her that if things continue like this, I can’t see the relationship working long term. She cried, hard. The kind of crying that feels like someone died. And honestly, that’s what breaks me. I love her deeply, and it tears me up to see her like that.
That’s all.
TL;DR: I initiate all affection. She’s emotionally distant due to upbringing. I asked if she even has an empathy issue. She cried hard when I said I might leave.