About a month ago, a really close friend of mine suddenly stopped talking to me. We used to talk every day—she’d even text me “wake up” if I was asleep because she wanted to talk. She was the one who wanted to call or video chat most of the time. I also put in effort—we were both fully involved in the friendship.
One month ago, I asked if she was mad or if I did something, and she said: “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m tired, and when I’m tired I don’t want to talk.” She said she wasn’t mad and that I didn’t do anything wrong. But since then, she’s been completely silent.
She’s still active online (posts on IG, reacted to a message in our group chat), but completely ignores my messages. I’ve given space, but I’m hurt and confused. There was no fight, no tension, nothing.
So I just want to ask:
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If you’ve ever ghosted a close friend for non-negative reasons, what was going on?
And did you ever texted them back? -
If you’ve been ghosted by someone you were close to, did they ever come back? Or did it just end?
Comments
She seems depressed.
Edited to add: I would send her a text saying you miss her and care about her and when she’s ready you’ll be there for her (if that’s what you want) leave the ball in her court.
Are you in high school by chance?
Given that you’re in first year university, I’m assuming she is too.
I think your friendship is on pause for now. And might end. Its a natural cycle that happens to many people.
We stop talking to most our mates from elementary when we move to middle school (American here). Same from middle to high school then again when we become adults. Whether we go to college or go into the work force. Its just one of those things.
She clearly doesn’t want to fix this. Shes left you on read for days and is still posting online. Just leave it be. I know its hard but maybe she’ll come back. If not, you’ll meet new people and someone who will make more of an effort with you ❤️
She likely got a boyfriend or you posted something that upset her about you.
Do not take others’ advice and speak to her. Give her space. She will reach out when she wants to talk. Jumping to conclusions that “she is depressed” is such a narrow-sighted thinking. Such ‘diagnosis’ could only be made upon talking directly to her, and not off of a Reddit post written in five minutes.
You’ll eventually feel normal about this after some time. Be strong.
Is it possible she has a crush on you and is removing herself from your circle because it hurts to be around you?
Its happened a couple times to me. They came back only to vanish again shortly after. Not everyone who comes into your life is meant to be there forever. In fact most are not. Accepting that means you enjoy the time you do have and learn to let go and move on a little easier. It’s still hard, but it’s less painful. Less personal.
Either she’s depressed or you didn’t put in as much effort to be her friend as you think you did.
It’s coming up on 2 years since a friend of mine randomly quit talking to me. We never fought, argued, or disagreed; he just lost interest in the friendship, I guess.
Honestly, don’t keep reaching out. She knows where to find you if and when. You can’t make her want to do it, and trying to get back in touch is only going to make you feel worse when hours go by with no response.
I have a friend of 53 years. We always kept in touch, I’m friends with his wife and family, etc. Last year, he had a medical episode and has since become sober. His wife asked me to reach out and give him moral support, which I did to unanswered calls and texts. I get it. He’s sober and on a journey and maybe I remind him of a different life that he has left. It hurts and I miss him and his jokes and our friendship, but I only wish him well and hope we can reconnect when he is ready. Hope this helps you.
Don’t text or call her anymore. If you see her in a social situation just say a small pleasant hi. It is odd but people behave in this manner occasionally
It’s really hard to be ghostedby a friend. Happened to me too. It’s so hard as I miss them immensely. I have my suspicions as to why but they are quite passive so even if I confronted them I know I would not get a truthful answer.
I really miss that friendship but I have made my peace with it now. I reached out lots over the last few years. I’m have come to finally accept it now.
Too long and too late for me to type out, but I cut off my best friend of 20 years after she accused me of trying I get her fired so I can take her role as manager, same as I ‘did in her last job’, bear in mind she lost the first job to fraud which supported her with and none of the other 15 members of the team.
Lied to me about my friend saying she is going to senior management at my work to say I drink on the job.
Blamed me for a sexual assault in my home by an independent person.
Expected me to quit my job as if I didn’t it would be a ‘betrayal’. Said if she is going down, she will ‘take down people with her.’
bear in mind, we worked together, but both instances she got fired was from a department I wasn’t even part of.
Tried to get me to block everyone including my work, my colleagues and my own family, so only she could contact me.
There’s more, but all this became just abusive and manipulative.
Two years later, she turns up to my house uninvited and tricks my dad into letting her in, telling him to take the dog out of the house so she can interrogate me. That caught me blindsided.
Also sends me emotionally manipulative Birthday cards saying how I make her cry every single day she can’t speak to me.
God damn, didn’t mean to write so much but this woman really got into my head.
I once read something along the lines of ‘When you finally stand up for your rights, don’t expect those that have been stepping on them to go down quietly.’
One of my besties of many years who I adored and talked with every day ghosted me after her father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I immediately told her I was there for anything she needed. Of course I understood when she just responded that she wasn’t going to be up for being social much and she’d be in touch when she felt up for it. Her dad passed less than a month later; I sent flowers and a card to the service (I never met him so I didn’t go). I sent her one-liner emails like “Thinking about you and your family. Hope you are doing ok. Love you.” at 2ish months and then 6 months after the funeral.
Shortly after the 6 month email, I sent out a group message that included her when I moved and changed jobs – just a very brief update with new contact info.
She replied in a really snippy tone that she wanted space and do not contact her again until she reached out to me.
That was 16 years ago. I never knew why, and it never stopped hurting. I still miss her.
I have been non-responsive to friends a few times but only for a few days and it was similar to your friend here. I just didn’t have the energy/mind space for social engagement for awhile. My friends who are social butterflies or extroverts, I get the sense they don’t really understand how overwhelming social engagement can be (yes, even just responding to a text).
I’ve been ghosted twice by the same friend of 20+ years. The first time, after she literally walked by me and refused to look at or greet me, I finally demanded to know what was going on (via email) and it turned out she thought I’d done something that I hadn’t. She felt very exposed and betrayed. Fortunately, we cleared it up. We met up for dinner the same night and it was so awkward at first but then back to normal. The second time, manyyyy years later, she ignored me for a few months. I was getting really upset and ready to do a big confrontation but I suddenly had a feeling it had nothing to do with me and that maybe something had happened to a family member. I sent a gentle email ‘haven’t heard from you in awhile, i hope you and all your family is well.’ Turns out, I was right, she had a devastating death in the family and just shut down. It was a long while before she was ready to talk about it. That was about 10 years ago. We’re still friends to this day.
Your friend already said it’s not you, so don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what you did. I would take her at her word and just give her some space for awhile. Let her know you’re there when she’s ready.
I mean I kinda ghost my bestie every now and then. It’s not personal and it’s not to be rude or mean but like sometimes taking to anyone is exhausting. And I’m the least like that with my bestie but it still happens.
If she’s assured you she just needs space and that nothing happened then let her come to you. Don’t push it otherwise it’ll just make it harder for her to come back. Just send her a loving message and an open door and then let her be.
I’ve ghosted, and it still makes me sick. Especially in thinking about the pain I may have caused them.
I don’t really know how to explain it other than my ‘cup’ just emptied out one day. I realized that certain parts of them bothered me in ways that felt too intimidating to challenge, and rather than dim their light by bringing up my negative feelings, figured it was better to remove myself and revisit later.
If you regularly engage in self destructive behavior, it could be that. Because it hurts to care about someone that is hurting themselves.
And if it’s not that – sometimes I really am just too depressed, and it really has nothing to do with them at all.
I had this happen to me. I found out a few years later that it was because she had slept with my husband.
I hope this isn’t your case, but it’s the truth of what happened to me, sorry.
It happened to me once. My best friend at the time just stopped talking to me. I asked other friends what happened since my friend refused to tell me, but those other friends did not know.
Years later, that friend reached out to me and I remember my heart just filled up with joy. They wanted to catch up, so I gladly met them. They took me to a MLM (Amway) meeting. I sat through it, then declined at the end and finally wrote that “friendship” off. To this day, I’m still surprised by the audacity of that friend to reach out to me when they had ghosted me got years, just to try to get me into their pyramid scheme. Still, it definitely helped me realise that i was better off without this person in my life.