I(16M) have a friend(17F) who constantly starts arguments with me over petty shit
refuses to change her behaviour
and will never try to start convos and expects me to be messaging her, if i dont im being an “immature asshole”
im very much against injustice, to the point i talk abt it constantly bc i get so emotionally overwhelmed and it’s easier to rant abt it in our friend group, she knows this and often writes some shallow reply like “how could anyone be like?” or the most generic reply, while the rest of my friends seem to actually engage if they care, or just don’t reply bc they don’t have anything to say which is fine.
She then decides to make friends with literal bigots (racist ppl, transphobic and biphobia ppl, when she herself is bisexual, plus other queerphobic ppl) and hides these relationships with me, when i find out inevitably bc she chooses to mention something they did that is bad or whatever, gets surprised im hurt.
when she got kicked out of her moms house i had helped her find a homeless shelter to live close to me so she could come over, she never once tried to come over. I had helped her a lot in realizing her mom was abusive, but she blamed me by saying it was my idea when getting kicked out bc she decided to hurt her mom. I never said that, i only said she’s allowed to defend herself and she should record it to prove to police if her mom tries to get her into trouble. She was arrested I believe but bc we’re minors i don’t think it had any impact, she doesnt rly communicate that with me.
My therapist and me have talked a lot abt her, and theres so so much more i could go over, he constantly just tried to get me to cut her off bc shes bad friend but i didn’t wanna bc i believed she could change. After many years of this im done tho..
I find myself questioning why i ever kept her around, shes not fun to be around. Shes mean, entitled and very toxic. She never tries to interact with me unless i have something to give her, or do for her like playing Roblox. Playing games with her isn’t fun, she always tries too hard and just makes it not fun for me when im wanting to relax. I talked to her abt all this stuff, claims she’ll change and never does.
She’s obsessed with stupid internet drama, loves to watch bullying content on yt and tiktok (ppl making fun of someone with mental illness or disability, which as someone with autism+ptsd is quite disgusting to see), it feels like shes stuck in middle school still. She uses my reaction to her sending bullying content (i just say to not send me bullying content and that isn’t cool) as an excuse as to why she can’t send me things (replies, memes, emojis, ANYTHING) or try to talk to me abt things.
everytime i share my art, she has some snide comment and claims she does it bc she’s jealous of me.. yet she is a very good artist, and inspired a lot of my work. It hurts a lot, so i never share my art anymore. I haven’t shared my art in over three years bc of her comments and she never brings up my art, unless she wants me to draw her something.
We’ve been friends since we were small kids; we used to date before i realized i was gay but during that time she rly messed me up emotionally. She never gave anything back emotionally and i always felt alone.
i can’t imagine my life without her and i don’t understand why i care so much abt her if she treats me so awfully. My other friends all aren’t even her friends bc she never tried to get to know them, all of them say they will support me whatever choice i make but i have panic attacks thinking of my life without her. I have memories of things that will never happen like us playing Minecraft servers together, exploring places we said we’d go one day, and doing things together.
Im scared she’ll use a lot of things ive told her to hurt me if i cut her off, i told her so so much personal stuff. Im scared i wont find someone i feel i can trust as much as her. Im scared of her not being able to find good friends and making friends with more bigots. Im so immensely worried abt what is gonna happen to her. I know its not my responsibility to fix her, been talked a lot in therapy. My own trauma has made me incapable of letting relationships go; but i think i need to let her go. I am panicked, i am so scared of it. What if i regret it? What if she does something bad bc of it? Since we were very young shes said she doesn’t wanna be alive anymore and bc my own trauma we bonded a lot over the horrible upbringings we had, but i worked on things in therapy, she hasn’t. She has been in therapy, just doesn’t change..
My therapist said she doesn’t want to change. Is she rly my friend..? I feel i’ve just been being used, i think she genuinely thinks we’re friends but this isn’t how friends treat eachother my therapist said.
Tldr: i cant sum this up quickly, 8 already dumbed down and cut so much info. Friend of mine is horrible to me and others around her, is she actually a friend?