My Dad never did, during my puberty years I had to figure out everything on my own. I could never in a million years imagine talking to my father about feeling horny getting erections etc etc
I don’t resent my Dad for it, that’s just how he was. But I do think I would have saved a lot of headaches and would have been likely to stay off Porn.
If I have a son I would like to educate him about libido and how to use that libido the right way.
But then again it would be weird to talk with your son about every sexual fantasy he has and laughing about how many times he jerked it this week. There has to be a line drawn somewhere.
What do you guys think? What is your approach?
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Yes, talk about sex.
It should not be embarrassing or taboo, though of course as you said some things are best kept to themselves
You need to not make it weird. When I change my toddlers diaper and I clean his penis, I tell him I have to clean his penis if he’s wriggling around and being hard to control. He is learning that keeping your penis clean and talking about it is okay and normal. When he gets a bit older and goes to school we’ll have a conversation about what’s appropriate to talk about and what’s not. I’ll talk to him like an adult about it, just like I do everything else. This strategy is working and his maturity level and speaking ability and articulation is extremely impressive and he’s only two and a half. Eventually when he’s about to hit or is hitting puberty I’m going to take him for a drive like my dad did and we’re going to talk about it all. I’ll speak to him like an adult as I always do and maybe crack some jokes to lighten the mood. I’ll tell him to tell me what he’s comfortable telling me, and if that’s “nothing” that means I’ll be doing most of the talking which I’ll joke about being cringe or whatever the kids are saying in 2036 to hopefully encourage him to relax and open up a bit. That’s really it. Just normalize it and don’t be weird. Don’t let your own insecurities fuck up your kid and don’t pass on negativity that he’d otherwise not pick up outside of you showing it to him. It’s one of the worst things a parent can do.
I been playing the talks with my daughter and son since the day they were born. So yes we should explain things to our children so one they are not taught by people with ill intentions and so they know how to be safe and respectful to their partners. If you get sex ed from porn you are in for a rude awakening in real life
> Should fathers talk to their sons about sex?
Um… YES. Sex ed is mandatory knowledge for male boys. Not going over this topic with them will lead to massive dysfunction when they become teenagers and adults.
Hell, once the kid is 18 take him to an escort so he doesn’t spend his 20s making bad decisions trying to impress random females.
I have 3 boys and had the basic biology talk around 12 years old. Including puberty.
I don’t talk about sex acts with them but whenever they have had gfs I always remind them to use condoms and ask if they want me to buy some.
Fathers should talk to their CHILDREN about sex. And so should mothers. Don’t gender it, that makes the “education” pretty worthless. Outside of gender-specific bodily functions, but children should know how that works too.
Teach your kids how sex functions, how your family treats sex, and how to have it safely if they don’t take your advice on abstaining or whatever your family preferences are.
Tell them that, if they do decide to have sex while they are still a minor that you want to know that they’ve started.
As a parent, you should be guiding your children to be strong individuals who know their own sexuality.
Make sure they understand the levels of consent, how to get help, how to approach you for help and guidance.
Sex isn’t some “hush-hush” topic. It’s sex. It’s natural. Treat it like it is. Don’t make it scary, don’t make it magical. Be honest, be truthful.
Sex is just sex. It’s not something special.
He should have talked to you but the dad/son talk doesn’t help with staying off porn.
Yes, it’s become very clear that boys these days need even more guidance on how to navigate life. Sex and relationships are a big part of that.
I plan on mainly focusing on feelings of attraction and that whole business. There’d be some slight forays and hard references/pointers to sex and libido (leading to desire) but I wouldn’t focus on a list to cover and put jerking it on that list. That’s generally what I’ve done with my two daughters who are older and have had steady and good boyfriends. I won’t go into the setup but I made a joke today to my 17 year old daughter that everytime she pursues sex ill take her to the dentist for mouth surgery because that would solve that problem. So it comes out but it’s not the focus.
YES! Horrible mistake to avoid any topic area. Age appropriate level of detail of course.
My old man came to me when I got a job at 16 and said “you’re driving now and have money, if you have any questions just ask.”
It took me three days to realize he meant about sex and not about automotive maintenance.
My wife talked to our daughter when she had her first period and I talked to her about what guys go through at her age, we were open with her and let her ask questions without really getting too embarrassing.
Yes, absolutely.
I got “body books” when I was young and then nothing until
D: so you’re 18 now
Me: yup
D: so you know a girls family could cause trouble if they wanted to
Me: yup
D: so watch where you go dipping your wick
Yes talk to your son about sex, if you oh won’t someone else will and their version of sex May be more perverted than you want your kid to know about…… I.e. LGBTQ lettuce, guac, bacon tomatoes queso.
I was playing with it at age 13 when it “went off”. Felt great but scared the hell out of me. A heads up would have been nice!
The consequences of sex are children lol obviously yes
I always rely on Chef from South Park for sound sexual advice:
“Schools are teaching condom use to younger and younger students each day! But sex isn’t something that should be taught in textbooks and diagrams. Sex is emotional and spiritual. It needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard, parents, but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids, you don’t know who they’re learning it from. It could be from someone who doesn’t know, someone who has a bad opinion of it, or even a complete pervert.”
It’s only weird if you make it weird. I’ve had the talk with my daughters, my son isn’t quite of the age where he needs “that” talk yet, but when he and I discuss our bodies I use terms like penis and he asked about childbirth the other day and I said vagina…it doesn’t have to be taboo, and I’d rather arm all of my children with accurate information. Fortunately mom handled the period/hygiene talks with the girls, but we have an open enough relationship that menstruation isn’t a taboo topic, if they need hygiene products it’s no different than letting me know they need body wash or deodorant.
It seems insane to me that mandatory, detailed sex-ed isn’t part of everyone’s curriculum. You very much should be able to have these chats with your kids, but you shouldn’t need to be responsible for hosting a lengthy, awkward “so there’s this thing adults do..” preamble.
Yes. You think they’re going to get better advice from their peers? Do you remember what a jerk and a noob we all were at that age?
Absolutely you should talk to your son about sex.
And yeah, your son might eventually feel comfortable enough with you to tell you things like that. That’s okay.
The thing is that you can’t control what he says to you and I think it’s important not to control that in these kinds of conversations. Because in all likelihood, if he tells you he jerked off seven times yesterday, behind that statement is “was that okay? Is it normal to be that horny all day like that? Do you think less of me for being such a gooner?”
Your reactions to what he tells you and says to you will either make him feel more secure in his trust in you, or less. It will make him more open, or less. It will reassure him of his normality or instill anxiety. So your reactions and how you treat him, will have more impact than whether you cover everything in that conversation or get something wrong or describe something poorly.
If you’re on a trip together where you share a room, is he going to have to sneak away to relieve his drives? or will he be able to just come out and say “I’m really horny, and I need to jerk off, can I have the room to myself for a while?”
If he wants to sleep with his girlfriend, is that something he’s going to do behind your back or come to you and say “Dad, I’m really in love with <girl> and I think I’m ready to have sex with her, but I wanted to ask you about it. What do you think?”
Or if he gives in in the heat of the moment, and has conflicting feelings about it, is he going to swallow them or talk to you? If he gets his girlfriend pregnant, is he going to be scared shitless that you’ll scream at him/disown him/punish him, or are you the first person he’s going to call because he knows you love him and will know what to do and respond empathetically?
The trust you build with him that you love him, won’t judge him, won’t be grossed out by him or what he tells you, won’t interject with your overriding authority, and will let him make good decisions himself, is what makes that difference, and it’s established by your reactions, and your listening skills, and by you taking the initiative to have conversations about sex, his body and how it’s changing, masturbation, contraceptives, relationships, making moves romantically, etc.
Essentially, if he’s ever in a bind, you don’t want his first thought to be “It’s my fault, I really fucked up, Dad’s gonna kill me!”, you want his first thought to be “I messed up! I gotta call my dad, he’ll know what to do!” And that’s not just regarding sex, but everything: “Dad, I’m sorry, I’m really high right now, but one of my friends is insisting on taking me home and he’s blazed out of his mind. Can you come get me? I don’t feel safe getting in the car with him.”
Yes. Discuss changes, consent, achieving pleasure for both parties, lubrication, birth control, and everything else.
I feel like it gets less awkward if you treat them as young adults who are just trying to make decisions that are maximally beneficial for them. You’re not trying to restrict them, you’re trying to help them learn lessons with a minimum of pain. (I also personally might try a “if I don’t have to find out about it, you’re not in trouble for it” policy to try to entice them to keep it under control – I’d rather they learn to be discreet, within reason, than have them “learn” to be embarrassed about sex.)
My main points with a son?
I dunno what else to throw in. Kind of hard to summarize all of sex and romance.
Yes men should warn there sons about the risk factors with dealing with women sexually and romantically that way they are not walking into these situations blind. The pros and cons. My father did not talk to me about women sadly I had to learn on my own through experience don’t let that be your son.
I was like 8 when they brought out the “birds and the bees” book. I was 11 when he took me out of school to go watch “Beavis and Butthead Do America” where I learned what “whacking off” is. Then as a teenager, I would be completely open with him about stuff. It’s like I went into in depth sexual fantasy stuff….but it’s my Dad. It wasn’t weird to talk about hot girls or whatever else. Just my personal experience though
No way man that’s totally gross; let them search online and ask kids at school for the facts.
Sure. I talked to my son and my daughter. My wife talked to my son and daughter. I know my sister talked to her nephew and niece. My talk was probably more on the emotional side. My wife is a nurse. Her talk was technical. My sister’s was probably more understanding.
The research on this is pretty clear. You should talking about sex in age appropriate terms from the time they’re toddlers, basically. The whole point is that they need to be properly educated on the risks of sex, how to have safe sex, and what affirmative consent looks like before they’re in a situation where they’d need that knowledge. And that’s like 10 or 11 essentially.
Use anatomically correct terms for body parts. Point out healthy relationships, especially men treating their female partners well. Don’t say or do something that makes them feel ashamed.
These things are also important to raise a son that knows who is allowed to touch him and where, and how to describe how someone touched him to you so you can discern between innocuous language stuff and your kid telling you they’re being abused.
If you don’t, somebody else will.
Who else would talk your son about sex??
Biological realities, at the appropriate times. STIs, pregnancy, birth control, the meaning and importance of consent, stuff like that. If you can’t handle those talks, don’t have kids.
I locked down the internet pretty tight when my son was smaller. I told him I’d be happy to unlock it once he was ready to have a talk about sex. He was 12 when he decided he needed access to reddit. I told him I’d consider our talk complete only after he’d asked me at least 3 serious questions (his go-to for anything awkward is to spam silliness).
We talked for about an hour, he asked some good questions. The Internet locks came down.
We had a 24 year old nephew staying with us. He overheard us and listened in, and came to me the next day saying how he wished his parents had talked with him like that. He had a tablet with unrestricted internet access since he was little, and developed what he called a porn addiction by age 12. He figured it had really interfered with his ability to form healthy relationships with females.
My own parents didn’t have the talk with me. I don’t get it. It’s not something that should be uncomfortable at all. If it is,, maybe that’s a sign you need to put in more work as a parent. There’s great joy in being able to be there for your kids.
Yes, mothers too. And sex Ed in school also.
He’ll, yes. Absolutely. Wish my dad had done so.
ABSOLUTELY!!
As a parent, my number one duty on this earth is to prepare my children for adulthood. It would be insanity to exclude “the embarrassing parts” in that job. If anything, the sensitive topics are the most important. Give my kids the tools they need to make good decisions.
My oldest is 9. The school may or may not have a sex education, but I fully intend to have my own talks with him before he starts puberty. If nothing else, I want him to always respect me as a safe, judgement-free place to ask “embarrassing” questions. He’s going to experience, feel, and think things that he couldn’t imagine. I don’t want any of it to surprise him or make him feel isolated. Again, it would be foolish of me to just hope he’ll make good choices if I never provide anything he’d need to make them.
It’s a natural part of life. All this stigma and repression is ludicrous…everyone is still doing it.
And there’s no need to talk about masturbation, other than telling him that as soon as he hits puberty he has to wash his own socks.
Mostly, what young men need to be taught is to treat women with respect. That if you’re gonna be skanking the nasty, HER pleasure is YOUR responsibility, and that means for real, not her making shit up so you think your dick is made of orgasmic gold.
Of course, this brings up the question: do YOU know about this? Or do you know nothing beyond dick dick dick dick dick?
Yes, talk to your son about sex. He’s almost certainly watching porn, and needs to know that most of what he sees bears no resemblance to the way most people actually have sex.
Yes.
The more taboo you make it, the more weird they’ll be about it. So, yes talk openly and respectfully about it.
I wish my dad explained to me what sex meant. All my understanding of sex comes from porn which made it difficult to connect with women
I am a traditional Catholic and we are absolutely going to talk about sex with our children at an appropriate age and at the level they can understand.
From the day they are born they need to be shown dignity.
The next thing they need to know –at a fairly young age– is that nobody should be trying to assault them.
Once they are a bit older they need to be taught about secret relationships (aka grooming). Probably about what sex is as well.
Before they hit puberty they should be vaguely aware of what is coming in terms of social, hormonal, and body changes.
At puberty there should be ongoing conversations about relationships, standards, boundaries, and dignity.
Throughout the teenage years they need to understand that mom and dad can’t always make decisions for them and that there are natural consequences for their actions. Mom and dad will offer support and guidance, but they need to learn how to make choices that are conducive to their health and wellbeing.
for my 13th birthday my pops gave me a playboy and told me never to “cum in ‘em, cum on ‘em”.
lmao
No way, definitely leave it to total strangers, especially other people’s teenagers, they know WAY better about sex than you!
/s
Definitely talk to them.