A bit of a backstory, I (21f) met this guy (20m) on a dating app almost 3 months ago, and at first he seemed different and very sweet compared to everyone else I met. We grew “close” kinda quickly and started talking almost everyday. But he has made it very clear from the start he does not want a relationship. We hung out in public a few times and then the first time I saw him in private we had sex.
I feel like he’s only using me for sex and his own pleasure, but I can’t tell for sure. I have some pretty severe trauma from my last relationship, and I’ve been open about that. He’s been very respectful of those boundaries at least. But every time I see him now he’s always wanting to have sex or do anything like that with me. I’ve stated multiple times throughout that that I just wanted to relax and didn’t want to do anything sexual.
But he will keep talking about it/asking and bringing it up, and he will touch me in sexual ways so I feel like I have to appease him in a way. I feel bad cuz he always says for me to tell him if I don’t want something, and I always say I will and if i didn’t want to do something I’d be honest. But I’ve said I just wanna relax or I’m not in the mood or just not right now and he’ll say okay in the moment and then like 5 minutes later touch me again or ask.
Whenever we do have sex I act like I enjoy it (sometimes I do) but sometimes I just feel very pressured into doing it, because I feel like if I don’t he’ll get upset at me or ditch me. I feel like this is my fault and I kinda did this to myself. I know I can easily just leave him and move on, but idk if I should have a conversation about this first or if it’s my fault this happened and I’m feeling kinda bad about it. I feel like when he’s not in that mood he’s just not interested in me, it’s very hot and cold if that makes sense.
Basically what I’m asking is, did I bring this upon myself by not being more firm and direct? And is this worth having a conversation about or would it be better to just leave and end it?
TL;DR idk if I should leave this guy who I think(?) is using me for sex, and I can’t tell if him maybe pressuring me and me having sex when I don’t want to is my fault or not.
Comments
This has zero chance of working. He is looking for a casual sexual relationship and you are looking for the opposite.
Tell me this, why would you stay with someone that treats you this poorly? And do you think you should be in a relationship at all if you had past trauma and are clearly putting yourself in another bad place?