I’m afraid I might make a terrible mistake if I break up with the man I still love.
I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (37M) for 1.5 years. He’s a very easygoing person without very many interests or hobbies. I, in contrast, have very many interests (I’m always planning our dates) and can be moody and type A. So, in a weird way, we complement each other nicely.
I was single for almost two years when I first met him — there was instant chemistry. I felt so lucky. When we were dating he tried very hard to show me affection (sending nice texts and proposing dates).
However, slowly, he has done less and less. Now he rarely initiates conversations (and when he does, it’s only about practical logistics), he never asks about how I’m feeling, what I’m doing, etc. I’m the opposite, I surprise him with little notes, check in with him every day, and am the only one who ever proposes dates for us. I’m not perfect — I can be moody and can be snappy. He is very accepting of me (and yes, I’m working on myself!).
The honeymoon phase is well behind us and I feel that any conversation (minus small talk) has a 75% chance of escalating into an argument. We don’t communicate well with each other and have started couples counseling. However, I feel that my partner does not have the “therapy mindset.” Even though he participates (reluctantly) in the sessions, I doubt he performs any serious introspection. For example, when I pointed out that the does not show concern for my wellbeing or show me affection — he agreed, apologized, and said that he would do better. But nothing’s changed!
My big issue is that I love him and feel that I can be happy with him for the rest of my life if he could just be more caring and communicative. This is essential for my happiness and relationship satisfaction. However, I feel like he lacks this social skill (because he’s super introverted and literally— not being mean— has not had a friend for almost 10 years; he was in a long term relationship before me).
I know people can grow and change, however, I’m starting to feel doubtful about his capability to do so. But on the other hand, I would cry if I was wrong. What if he has the potential to grow and change (like he said he wants to!) and I break up with him before he has the opportunity to do so.
In the end, he’s a genuinely good guy (they’re hard to find!) and I don’t want to break up with… but I’m afraid it might be time. Has anyone dealt with a partner like this? I would love to hear others’ experiences or advice.
TL;DR — My boyfriend is a good man, but does not show care or concern for me. I love him but think we may not be compatible. What should I do??