Hey Reddit, I really need some guidance. Sorry this is long and it’s my first time posting.
I [25F] am talking to [20M] let’s call him John. John and I have known each other for about seven years now. We met at work back in 2020 under that time we both seem to have really clicked.
Fast-forward to 2024 and after both of us leaving our job where we’ve met we finally reconnected. We haven’t made our relationship official but we are exclusively seeing each other, talking about our future plans and how we are committed to each other. We just didn’t make it official cause he decided to backpack to another country until I’m done with uni. Here’s the kicker though. Right now he is traveling in Europe with his most recent ex, he told me about it and reassured me that he doesn’t want a relationship with her. The reason she is tagging along is cause I’m still in uni and she is done and will be moving to that country anyways and they are friends. But she also has a tendency to guilt trip him into not cutting her off, because she always threatens to unalive herself.
It’s been 6m since he left and 3m since I traveled to visit him. Now I come to find out (after some snooping) that his ex posted a video about their travel experience so far and in one of the clips I see but it’s kinda blurry that they are holding hands while walking and smiling but it was less than a sec long. I don’t know what to do, he has been not as consistent in his messages because he said that he’s been busy commuting a lot but now I just feel gutted and don’t know what to do…
Should I confront him? Should I just let it go since I know his ex has a history of starting trouble between us? I’m just lost.
Comments
If he is actively able to text you then I would do the three day rule. Don’t try to reach out for 3 three days, if you don’t hear anything from him then move on. If you not a priority to him now, you never will be in the future
Even though you are only 25, you’re way more mature than a 20yo boy whose prefrontal Cortex is still growing. He’s stringing you along. Don’t let him.
You say you haven’t made your relationship “official” but are “exclusively seeing each other.” IDK what that even means. You can be exclusively seeing just one person out of circumstance – it’s not an active, affirmative commitment to a monogamous relationship.
I think you need to treat this as non-monogamous unless and until that specific convo has been had. Live your life, don’t worry about him, and see where everyone stands when you’re actually done with school.
I’m sorry you met him when he was 15??