I (43 M) have developed serious romantic feelings for my best friend (37 F), we’ve known each other for over a decade and we are both married to other people. No one has kids. In retrospect I think these feelings have kind of always been there on low intensity in the background. But recently, she has been having some intense relationship struggles with her husband (42 M) and I have realized that I am empathizing with these struggles too much.
I love my wife (39 F) and I am also very good friends with my friend’s husband. The four of us are close and spend a lot of time together (hang out multiple times a week). I value the friendship and I would like to keep things as they are. I think the best way forward is to get some space for a few months at least while they work out their relationship issues and I can work through stuff on my end.
How would you communicate this if you were in this situation? Should I just “ghost” them or make something up? Should I be honest about the reason with any subset of our group (tell my wife only, tell my friend only, tell them all etc)? If I’m taking the honesty route, how do you think I should communicate this?
TL;DR Developed feelings for someone I shouldn’t have, looking for input of what I should do to get out of this situation.
Comments
Please reread the second paragraph and then let whatever feelings you think you have fall by the wayside.
There is no scenario where telling anyone involved doesn’t lead to a massive dumpster fire. Just be less available to hang until you get your head sorted. Nobody needs deep emotional wounds inflicted over a crush you have no intention of ever acting on.
>Should I (43 M) communicate that I have developed romantic feelings for my best friend
No. Keep that shit to yourself so you don’t blow up the lives of four people.
You can’t just tell this friend and then keep lying to your wife. Who you’ve barely mentioned. She’s the one who is being betrayed here.
Yes you can’t help your feelings but how much have you actually tried to distance yourself and get over her before now? Nothing I presume.
You should end the friendship out of respect for the woman you married. And then work on this in therapy.